Deeper than the Sky

Escaflowne

2011-11-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

When Van gets captured at the start of ep5 and Allen tells Merle and Hitomi they shouldn't worry about Van's life, at least, he says, "They say that only the King of Fanelia can operate Escaflowne."

So:
1. There are widespread knowledge and rumors of Escaflowne as a legendary guymelef surpassing normal guymelefs, and that it belongs to the Fanelia royal house, passed from king to king.
2. It seems almost logical to Allen that Zaibach has waged war on Fanelia to capture such a commodity.
3. There must be a bond between the royal blood of Fanelia and Escaflowne beyond merely possessing the guymelef. In the fight with Allen and Dilandu, Van seems to take personal hits from actions on Esca--this is even before strengthening his blood pact.

Ep 2 thoughts

2011-10-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of re-watching the episodes (for the 10th time, probably?!) and making dialogue notes since I haven't watched actual content since 2008. I think each time I watch Escaflowne, I am that much closer to my Escaflowne dissertation... So let's start off our multivariate analysis with our favorite character (certainly mine), shall we?

In ep2 when Van first meets Allen, I love those few quick scenes:

- First instance of Van saying Hitomi's name
- Van meets Allen carrying Hitomi and challenges him
- He is defeated in a single stroke, pukes, and falls unconscious

In the series, Hitomi and Van constantly refer to each other as "aitsu", or "that guy/that girl". Hitomi does it in her episode intros, and they refer each other that way talking to other characters. It's a pretty rude and informal way to refer to people, and I think it's so reflective and funny of what they first thought about each other. So when Van first said "Hitomi" was when she screamed bloody murder when they were separated--I think it reflects his personality, as he's particularly vulnerable to emotions whenever he has to rescue her. When there is a chance of loss, he turns very protective and sensitive, probably as a result of him losing his family so young. I think his most endearing qualities appear out of his kingly shroud at these moments.

As to Van's first meeting with Allen, his fateful best companion and competing lover: Van was about to draw his sword, when Allen cautions him that he shouldn't draw lightly as he would surely lose his life. And of course Van drew his sword. Standard anime/movie logic.

But I thought about this scene for a while, my dissertation spider senses tingling. Did Van know who Allen is? Did Van draw his sword because he was protecting Hitomi? But as he drew his sword he kind of smirked a little....

Allen was dressed in the Knight Caeli uniform. Although Van was very young when Aston and his daughters visited Fanelia, as a curious boy he certainly would have remembered the knights who accompanied the King of Asturia. (Later in ep2 when Van interacts with the Mole Man, we can see that Van's memory recall is freaking amazing, as he remembers Folken's discussion of glar leaves before he was 5 years old.) Allen's outpost was the closest neighbor to Fanelian borders, and with Dilandu's comment on Allen's widespread reputation and Allen's non-military-standard striking looks, I think there's a pretty good chance Van has heard about the commander of Fort Castelo.

So if Van knew about Allen's position as a knight of Asturia, he certainly could have been diplomatic in stating that Hitomi was under his protection and that would have been that. Allen would give Hitomi back to him, maybe offer the services and supplies of Castelo for their refreshment. But no, this is Van, who's been crown prince of his kingdom that his father and his brother left for him for 10 years. He had slain the dragon for the Dragonslaying Rite for accession just yesterday, that had taken years of training to prepare and the actual lonely event had required a surprising trip on the Mystic Moon. He just received his monarchy title this morning, and then invisible giants destroyed his kingdom and his people. But he couldn't even see the enemy before everything ended. He wanted to avenge Balgus, who had prevented him from defending the kingdom he was just sworn to protect. He wanted to exact justice for the others slain.

And here is Allen, taking an unconscious Hitomi away, expressly forbidding him to draw the sword of the King of Fanelia. I think that's just too much invitation.

Hello Again 2

2011-10-26T18:23:00.000-07:00

Is it weird that although I've away so long, rarely a week goes by when I don't think about the unfinished story?

But this summer and fall I've been better about actual work on the story. I think I just needed to practice? The story is much tighter and better for all this time away; I just wish it hadn't taken me so long! But I'm prepping to try NaNoWriMo for the first time, and I am pretty excited to write actual story again. The 50k words that come out may not be good, but at least it's a second start. It is definitely my goal to finish DS.

I'll also be updating this blog, probably ramble on about the characters like I used to. It's like I should have written an Escaflowne dissertation or something.

Today I was GISing for "Fanelian sword screenshots" and realized that out of the handful of returns, almost all of those pictures are from this blog. Kind of weird...

In preparation for the month of writing, here are two lists that the NaNoWriMo people recommended I make:

1) What makes a good novel to me?
- believable characters
- detailed, accurate setting
- quick succession of crisis buildup
- happy endings
- unexpected romance
- sympathetic character flaws
- lots of character development
- little details in the story that turn out to be important
- magic
- brilliant prose
- food

2) Things that bore me or depress me in novels?
- malicious evil characters without motivation or redeeming qualities
- modern prose style that is obtuse
- unreasonably dramatic conflict between characters (esp when they can just communicate to resolve misunderstanding...)
- weighty moral themes
- feeling of author purposefully jerking my emotions around
- lots of poetry
- main characters who are too good
- conversations that are too witty, esp romantic banter
- psychological horror

Since my old friend Sapphirefly posted a photo of herself (and also a book! I think part of the impetus is that!), here is a photo of me. I'd say it's a fairly accurate portrait :)

Hello Again

2010-08-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Amazingly I still think about my unfinished work a lot even though I haven't written about it for 2 years. I just can't get Van and Hitomi out of my head--they are the subjects of many of my daydreams. I think I won't be able to to rest until the story is finished.

This year I'm applying to grad school and have a lot of other things, but I have started writing again. This time I'm planning to write more of the story before I publish chapters, because I've regretted some of my earlier decisions. I do plan to spend some regular time writing--I am constantly amazed at sapphirefly's passion, and hope I will be able to bring the same.

-jomiel

Lucky

2008-12-31T01:42:00.000-08:00

Today I received my 67th review on DS posted on ff.net.

Here's why I think it's amazing:
- I haven't done any serious work for it in 2 years.
- I've broken deadline promises several times.
- It's 5 chapters in probably a 20+ chapters story.
- Van and Hitomi can barely survive their awkward reunion.
- Ch1 and 2 are horrible, and nothing happens in ch 3-5 except boring narrative.

It's amazing my readers don't hate me yet, don't you think?

And yet today, I received a very warm and generous review praising my work more than it is, more than I deserve. There's no scolding, no pointing of fingers, no lament on lack of romance, no complaint on the horrible prose. Instead, it is unconditional, it is understanding, it is overwhelmingly the most perfect review I never could have imagined.

Is it that? Or is it no more extraordinary than the other 66 reviews except for my own reception?

I think I have been taking my readers for granted. I haven't really given real thanks for their time and their feelings they invest into DS. I haven't been fair in toying with their expectations.

And it's amazing I am still lucky, isn't it?

First order of business (rather, second, as this post is the first), find a note-taking process.

edit: Gosh. I'm reading old posts and it's like...what the heck was I talking about?! Does anything come out of brain makes sense?! It's amazing how my readers can understand anything, honestly.

Villians

2008-05-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

One of the things I am planning to do with DS (the pile of things seem to grow by the day) is the absence of a single-source, demonic villian that we'll be able to point to for every malice and misdeed. I wanted to show the inherit malice possible in ourselves, through selfish actions that people choose without thought or care to its true signal-cascade effects. However, I didn't really have a concrete idea of what could happen until I saw Redbelt this weekend. Its notion of a strong but naive hero, betrayed by friendship and sidelined by good fortune, who will ultimately prevail because of the righteousness of goodness itself.

It wouldn't transfer over to DS directly--mostly because Van is in the position of power (even if dwarfed by other countries in the Alliance) and partly because he isn't really that type of character. Despite Fanelia's relative simplicity, Van distrusts, because of his status and because of his experiences, and then has to make an effort to let people in. But it's not impossible situation to create, for Van would trust someone he believes is reliable. And there are exponentially more possibilities if Hitomi is the harbinger.

The second idea I'm planning recently is the push of humanity evolution. Words get created and dropped. Events become history and become myths. Individuals are born and whole populations die. And soon an age passes. People come in waves to replace each other, to support and uphold their own ways of life. The passing of an age is sad, but full of promises--because the end marks the beginning.

The depressing thing about thinking and planning is that I am not producing anything. But I really, really think that this is necessary in my development, in DS's development. I am learning composure, I am learning patience, I am learning to dig deeper. I want so so much for DS to be an entity--a matured distillation of my dreams and feelings--where the fantasy world is there, ready for people to enter and enjoy and wrestle with their thoughts, until the lingering finish they didn't know they always wanted.

And I thank you for letting me be selfish and do this. For waiting.

Character Development

2008-05-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it really been that long since I last posted? I guess being busy with work and ffxi again really alters my concept of normal time.

I keep going back and forth between thinking up possible conflicts and trying to expand the characters and cultures in DS, but I feel like these past weeks have been just running around in my hamster wheel. Perhaps it's my own inexperience with writing that none of my ideas have pushed me any closer to an actual, solid development for plot. But though I've tried hard to make things happen, I think the root problem is not basing my ideas on what I want to happen with V+H--not just what kind of romantic scenes they could have or what kind of experiences would be interesting--but my focus should be on what would make V+H develop into the characters they could become.

There should be events that make V+H realize their love, grow up more, extend their capabilities, and impact others positively as well as learning. There must be trials and tribulations, and accusations and wrong assumptions, and mistakes as well amends.

This should be a good new starting place.

Recently I've been getting into Shugo Chara, as I mentioned in my other blog. I see a lot of parallels between Van and Shugo Chara's Ikuto--qualities that I love in both. The draw of Ikuto's past and his secrets are so mysteriously boyish and manly at the same time, that I think it would really interesting to develop V+H this way, and the idea of the past is present already in DS even in its beginning ch, that pushing one of DS's themes down this path would be totally possible. Everyone has something they regret, or a secret joy, or a dream they keep only to themselves. Or maybe some confession that they are embarrassed to reveal.

One thing I would really like to know is the mystery of this scene:

Recently...3

2008-04-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started making my collection of Escaflowne screen captures into categories instead of organizing by episodes. I suppose it's a bit overkill to see exactly the carving in chairbacks in the Palas formal dining hall, and how green is the carpet, and what you can see out both sides of the windowed hall--and I know this weekend when I go home again I'm so going to grab my filmbooks (forgot last time) and scan in the maps and layout pages--but this is just the way I am. Obsessed.

Actually, I had copied the screenshots to the new folders because it's not like I will let them go out of ep order, but this is less being obsessed and more about keeping track of what happens in each ep. I find the archive extremely useful as a reference. (Okay maybe this is still obsessed.)

Still deep in research and plotting. Wikipedia is so great. Today's reading is about Emporer Tang Taizong (I read this history when I was a kid so it brought back so many memories, too), and it reminded me that Tyrrhenia in its golden age should be like the Tang period, and Empress Zhangsun is a good model for Elamere. I also read up about Japanese military strategies for a base for Fanelia's system. A similar situation to the Thirty-Eight Year War could be an idea for Goau (Why was he and Balgus out in the field and requiring their guymelefs? There is no explanation ever. Sometimes things in the series are so random, eg Hitomi's gym bag).

A sudden idea (shocking): What is going on in Basram that Van needs to have internal communication there?! Fanelia is such a small and rural country that it's hard to imagine (now) that anything past its borders would be in its consideration--barring anything catastrophic. Though Van has gained allies and good will through his prowess in battle and common sympathy from Fanelia's wanton destruction, there has to be a damned good reason why he's spending resources and men all the way across the Alliance into Basram.

Seriously, what was going in my head when I wrote the first 5 chapters. I dug myself a hole and it's so hard to climb back out. (Don't get me started on ch1. I can't even look at it now I'm so ashamed. /emo wrist slash)

Continuation Revised

2008-04-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

I just realized that perhaps part of the struggle about my ideas for the main conflict in DS is its lack of continuation from the story in Escaflowne beyond the characters and V+H's relationship. Even though I've written a lot about the cultural and political history of Gaea, there must be remaining tensions and unsolved issues that need to be brought forward and resolved.

Summary of the end:
1. Rebuilding of destroyed Fanelia. Asturia with ruins within Palas, and a destroyed Rampant Port and border post Castelo. Freid with collapsed capitol Godashim and Fortona temple.
2. Armies contend for dominance against each other (unclear of factions--other countries include Cesario, Basram, Daedalus, and Egzardia--have to watch end ep again).
3. Collapse of Zaibach empire. What happened to its people?
4. Atlantis entry sealed.
5. Death of thousands. Energist bomb effects on the battlefield (where exactly is it?).

On the personal aspects:
1. Allen is reunited with Celena. Allen is still unattached, and no resolution about his status within the Heavenly Knights.
2. Dryden off on his quest to return as a better man.
3. V+H part, obviously.

Is there anything I'm missing?

My new stat counter tells me most of the traffic is from Google image search. I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not. (At least, I'm not savvy enough to IP filter its hits, so it'll stay for now.)

Backstories

2008-04-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

My brilliant idea today was to write more backstories for DS, so off I went on wikipedia for details I've missed and new articles.
1. Read about steampunk and identified Esca elements: airships, guymelefs, crystal power, fate alteration machine, energist bomb
2. Read again about Edgar Cayce
3. Read again about Ignatius Donnelly
4. Read about Immanuel Velikovsky
5. Read about Freidich Schiller
6. Read about the sinking of Helike in Greece in 373 BC
7. Read the article on Numenor

Still need more backstories, and though it's likely I wouldn't fit them all into DS (and really shouldn't), they'll help build the culture and interactions between groups.

I'm more and more into the idea that Hitomi could turn out to be a significant political figure that exceeds her role in Esca. Having Hitomi in a powerful role is so appealing. My only hesitation right now is how it will turn out for her. I don't want Hitomi to be a ruler of a separate country like Princess of La Vallex, but there must still be numerous roles for her in the future of Gaea--I just can't think of any right now.

Can't quite remember where this is from, though it must be from an official illustration:

On Writing 2

2008-04-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

I still haven't jumped back into prose and paragraphs and sentences and particular words, but this time for real, I think I'm getting closer in preparation. In my previous post on writing, the focus was on editing, but these past couple of weeks have been of a different sort of experience.

Listening to Escaflowne music again while visualizing scenes and pretending characters have helped set me back into Gaea. A little notebook and a good pen force me to think about DS at every idle moment. Some alone time in coffee shops and wait for public transportation are surprisingly productive. And changing my desktop to my DS drawings definitely bring in the mood.

My composition is still awkward, but writing everyday helps, even if it's just this blog or recent anime reviews or emails. I'm sure if I persist in my focus on DS, even if progress is slow, It will eventually find me.

Yesterday I detailed the second to last ch (unless my plan for scenes change dramatically). I get tremendously excited when I get a good idea, and it's tempting and slightly depressing that I can't reveal it here--indeed not until the second to last ch. I hope you will forgive me, even though it's awful of me to wave a cookie but not share. Well, perhaps a chocolate chip: Van and Sousuke will meet.

Considerations tossing around in head right now:
1. Other main characters' developments are too two-dimensional (Allen, Millerna, etc.). What growths or regressions have they had since we saw them last in Esca? How are they impacted and grow by the events and by interactions with V+H in DS?
2. Erected political structures are weak and superficial. Needs more backstories to countries and better representations of the rulers.
3. How are Gaea in general affected by the conflict and then the outcome of the conflict? Do people just go on with their lives without a real knowledge of what has happened like in Esca?
4. Related to 2 and 3, have more important minor characters who we can identify with and see how their lives change. (Esca examples: Voris, Jajuka, Zongi, Miguel)
5. I want to toss my original idea of including the song "Into the Light" into one of the ch, because it's such a common device in fanfiction and basically I did no work except think it illustrates V+H's relationship really well--and then when I wrote down that I've decided to toss it, I feel really sad and lost.

This is the back cover of doujinshi "Euphoria of the Meadow" by Gypsy Queen:

Protector of the Heavens

2008-04-07T23:28:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've seen the series and I don't have the filmbooks with me--was there a phrase to describe Escaflowne as "protector of the heavens"? It seems too together for me to make it up, but then memory is sometimes a tricky thing. I've searched lyrics and Escaflowne Compendium already; if I can't find it in the filmbooks this weekend, I'll have to delegate it to the pile of facts I made up.

I think instead of focusing on my failure of coming up with anything plausible for ch6, I should resign myself to wandering thoughts on end-story. At least, it's coming along.

Ah, my other thought recently was on age. During Esca, V+H were 15, and their dreams and beliefs in themselves and each other supported their intentions throughout the story and ultimately outwilled the Fate Alternation Machine. For DS, V+H are 25--and are the defining characteristics courage and desire for truth?

Stuck Stuck Stuck

2008-04-04T17:27:00.000-07:00

Actually, the stupidest thing about being stuck is that DS is a romance story. It's not like people are going to pay that much attention to non-kissing scenes, yet these are the very ones I'm stuck on. Irony. All the romance scenes are decided. I've changed things here and there, minor things like what Hitomi and Van say to each other--but I can see each scene so clearly. At least, they are worth looking forward to.

This morning while thinking of more ideas for ch6, I thought of a strange question: If Escaflowne had not been sealed within the Fanelia temple after Goau's death, would it be possible for someone other than Folken and Van to make a blood pact with it?

Normal melefs and guymelefs are controlled by any pilot. But for Escaflowne, even though it requires a blood pact, if both brothers failed, or if someone got an energist first--would it be possible for Escaflowne to be commanded by someone completely unrelated?

I think it would be. There isn't data to suggest the Espano made Escaflowne exclusively for Fanelia (making possible my little insert in ch4 for Escaflowne to be a dowry from Tyrrhenia), and the Ispanos seem like moneygrubbers (I mean seriously how many gidaru did they charge) that I can't imagine them making anything exclusive enough to deny their own profits.

I hope I'll be able to include the Ispanos as planned. The little buggers are so funny. And DS is lacking in the funny right now.

Old Posts

2008-03-31T18:52:00.000-07:00

In preparation for a day of writing, I went through some old blog posts to look where I left off--in some ways posting is better than a private journal is some decrease in "omg drool" moments and I'm forced to patch my thoughts together into some coherency, but I definitely go too far into my "BSing scholar" moments. Some of my posts are just wtf was I thinking....

Like my previous declaration that I think of Van as the main character. That's seriously off mark. Hitomi is the catalyst of Gaea's war and Van's development. If he didn't have the dreams of Fanelia, and Hitomi and Merle to protect, would Van still turn out the same way? Without Hitomi, the only character to interject defiance and kind thoughts, would Van still progress to that smile at the end of ep26?

The dumbest thing about being stuck is that I planned my story mid- and endpoints, and backstories and little details, but I have no idea what I want Cim to say in ch6.

Hi There

2008-03-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking, thinking, thinking--and then I realized there's no point in thinking if there's no doing. (Yes, I am really that dumb...)

I always have excuses. Perhaps the largest is how much time I'll need to finish. (I'm still at an rough ch6 and the story hasn't yet kicked off. If there are 20-25 chs as I had outlined, and writing each ch so far has taken me 1-2 months each, it would take me at the minimum a year. Damn rationality.) But really: I like DS and I like writing and I like writing Van--why shouldn't I spend more time on it?

I was surprised to find a modern, European version of Van:

Van's PPF (continued)

2007-11-28T22:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if my writing motivation is conceit. Perhaps. I mean, I did start the DS project because "hey I can do better than 90% of people on here" and "dude I'll show them how an Escaflowne fanfic can be written as real fiction". I don't know which is more disconcerting--the fact that DS is based on these egotistical thoughts or that I'm revealing it in this post. (My only comfort is my scarce but treasured blog readers, who will most definitely forgive me.)

Writing is an oxymoron that allows the writer to take an identity and also reveal himself. Perhaps there is no escape from my self.

Well, let's jump back before I wander off to the next philosophical discussion: Yesterday we were on the subject of "Van's PPF" (past present future), and I've also hastily put in my deadline for ch6, lest I escape again. (My other confession today? My last written work on DS was in April ; ;) With 3 weeks left and a whole ch ahead, let us rush headlong into it, then.

I had previously considered the possibility of cutting Van's dialogue with Basram's diplomat, on the pretense of sparing the readers the political boredom (and me a public hazing), but now I see it would be necessary to not only keep the section, but to excel at its execution.

Esca ff authors and readers alike assume that Hitomi's decision to stay is the keystone to an Esca continuation. But to me, Van is the main character in Escaflowne, and it is Van again who must be the essence of the story. We cannot jump from Van 10 years ago to Van's actions in the rest of DS, without first seeing how Van is a king in Fanelia.

We've already missed Van as king in ep2--after his coronation he is immediately downgraded into nothing more than a refugee with a royal title. All through the series we see little of Van the king. But it is precisely his lineage and rule that define who he is and what kind of person Hitomi must become in order to match Van.

The tricky thing is execution of the idea, of course. Will I have enough skill to portray Van as who he is now and what he will become?

At least, the goal for ch6 is clear. The best time to start is always tomorrow ;3a

I can't remember if I've posted this, so you get the pleasure of getting it again:

Edit: From my previous blog posts it looks like I've written in July, but both the DS working file and my backup are from April. WHERE IS MY FILE.

Van's PPF

2007-11-27T23:57:00.000-08:00

In a previous post, I've mentioned I'd like to resolve the juxtaposition of Van's gravity and boyishness. But a deeper portrayal and my challenge in ch6 is Van's PPF--how he has changed these 10 years and how he will be at the end of DS. And I think in order to do this, V's meeting with Basram's diplomat will be a definite landmark.

...
There is supposed to be a meaning to this post. I apologize. It's late, and my brain is like mush and I must fall into bed. Will try again tomorrow.

Oh, before I duck out of this: I will publish ch6 before Christmas.

Back Again

2007-11-08T23:50:00.000-08:00

The other day a ff email told me I got another reader on the story alert list. It made me happy--and a little guilty--I had no idea people are still reading Deeper than the Sky. (Curiously, ch5 has 40 more hits than ch4. Are the readers skipping ahead to the most recent ch, hoping for more closure, or do they reread ch5 again for Van?)

Perhaps there is no need to write an apology--only ch6 will compensate my year absence.

Hello again. m(_ _)m

Ch6 still remains elusive. My original plan was to have Van's meeting with Basram for its first half, and Van+Hitomi's meeting second. But I'm having such trouble with the political meeting, its dialogue and its innuendos, what Van should be as a ruler now and his maturity later, how much of Basram and its complications I should present. Would it be so bad to cut it out, and filter the meeting through Hitomi's experience? Or would this instead be even more confusing because it would be a second-hand of a second-hand?

Most likely, the only way to find out is to write it.

A drawing from a long time ago:

Notebook 2

2007-07-27T23:29:00.000-07:00

Today marks the end of my second notebook (10/2006-07/2007). It's scary that almost none of it is entered in my Google notebook, but it's good that I've filled it with a lot of self-dialogue and ideas for DS.

One of the ideas today was to make Hitomi's transport from Earth to Gaea at the end of ch1 more significant in the overall plot. Gem had requested me to make Hitomi go through a depression, and while I think of Hitomi as too splunky to get real depression, a great spin-off possibility is to have her go through self-doubt in the midst of great expectations. Hitomi is the type to emerge stronger emotionally from adversity, and this experience would become her pivotal point in DS.

I was reminded of Nase in Hikaru no Go, at the end of the go pro examinations, when she said "Because I can play like today, I can't quit go." (That's sort of how I feel about my life now, too :P)

I cannot remember where I got this image. Probably from Lizzard. It's interesting to see the other Knights of Caeli:

Names

2007-07-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

Random names, might be used for characters, might be used for locations:

Besnik - Sulare - Taussler - Stenin - Heriz - Jonam - Vosnik - Osarnum - Zare - Elat - Guerdia - Zossler - Tare - Kulot - Phi - Palome - Olam - Emon - Krisnet - Mossi - Basile - Digge - Malek - Nolan - Torron - Nauntig - Ala'Ramutad - Nafarem - Hamorfa - Guern - Vort - Epautib - Kalev - Vonui

1. Some are pretty crappy, I know. I don't want to use any normal names, because it's Gaea.

2. Would using names like Ala'Ramutad for a distant country be too politically incorrect?

3. I think of the names in Japanese pronounciation (eg. Balgus = Barugesu), so names like Zare is two syllables instead of one. But then the pretension that carries with a phonetic explanation at the end of a ch is probably more serious than reading it wrong.

4. Votes for names? Other ideas?

Van's Allure 2

2007-07-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

For some reason (I am a strange cookie in many other ways, too), I don't prefer to work on the entirety of my story alone, then surprise everybody. I like to muse on something for a while, bounce ideas off a buddy, come back and do more revisions, then post. Adding a perspective has only worked out in my experience for the better.

Chocolatelova's been busy and it seems bad to bother her with my story when she doesn't have time to do her own, but perhaps I'll try catching her online D: My principal conflict is still ill-formed and so blah. blah blah blah.

Well, on to the non-whiny part of the post.

As I have mentioned before, Van's greatest attraction is the juxtaposition of his seriousness and his boyish self. To me, the boyish self is actually his natural self--selfish and a little spoiled, but with eagerness and full emotions--the self that comes out in front of Folken when they were young, in front of his mother, in front of Balgus, in front of Hitomi. The seriousness is his attempt to be a man, to be a king.

At the end of Esca, we are frustrated not only because V+H never really gets together, but also because we are left with a glimpse of an emerging Van, close on a path to balance between his two halves.

(I always thought of Van as the main character, actually.)

So one of the items I am exploring for DS is completion of this duality. A lot of fanfics on ff portray Van despising his burdensome responsibilities, but I don't think Van ever thought about it as a choice. He was born to be a king. His public and private lives are so enmeshed in him that they have instead become two intertwining parts of his personality. Duty is his life. But he is also just a man.

(I hope I will be able to do it. I really like writing Van.)

(Sometimes I feel like I write better essays than prose ; ; I write very pretentiously, I suppose.)

I forgot from where I grabbed this . It looks like a scan or a rough filter, but still a perfect Van.

Sources

2007-07-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello!

My thoughts today jumped from the emerging central political conflict to the Tyrrhenia legacy. It had been in my mind for quite a while, bubbling and fermenting, but today's development was glorious.

We shall have our own version of Elysian Fields: "down the dank moldering paths and past the Ocean's streams they went, and past the White Rock and the Sun's Western Gates, and past the Land of Dreams, and soon they reached the fields where pale liliaceous asphodel and poplars grew." It will be a place to press into climax; a place for rest, cleansing, and comtemplation; and a place for graceful lamentation.

I am in debt to past books. LOTR, Chinese martial arts novels, the classics, Jane Austen--these all form the knowledge I draw from. No idea is ever original. Everything is simply an arrangement of a story we all already know.

Oh, I did write something this past week, so let's have it. I think I might have posted the previous version of this section, in Leal's POV. Van's is working out much better, and today you get a whole paragraph!

Leal had insisted that a wise king used the illusion of power as well as the practice of authority, though to Van's mind there was no real need. Even in the most remote countryside, his people have no trouble recognizing the crest on his sword and his mailed, trailing entourage. Leal and the rest overlook the importance inherent in the common shirt. His rule over Fanelia only benefited from his royal informalities: loyalty that could never be commanded by a "Sire" or even a "King Fanel", only only by a "Van-sama".

And now that I've written--my previous fears are unfounded, thank god. Nothing is ever so important in life as to keep going forward.

The asphodel:

Progress Update 16

2007-06-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm further into planning. Still building up the central conflict (it would be boring pretty quickly if it was just a V+H love story). The characters are expanding nicely, especially the supporting roles to bring the conflict into the forefront. It's so frustrating not to slip by any particulars here, since it's so exciting and complicated at the same time, and I wish somebody would hold my hand. Adhering to the pretense of literary fiction is pretty hard--though looking back through my notes history, the results are worth every furious head scratch in cluelessness.

I'm also in the beginnings of delineating countries with their culture, fashion, key players, agendas, etc in anticipation of the upcoming Palas meeting. My lack of dialogue in DS is really because I suck at it. Hopefully with preparation, I will be able to create real drama.

And with all these steps, another side of me feels like there's never an end to planning, so I should just go ahead and try out the next chs. 7 months of planning have already gone by with no prose. Perhaps I'm delaying the act of writing because I'm again afraid of not being as good as before, again afraid of disappointment, again afraid of writing.

Or maybe this doubt is just a game I play with myself. There's no reason to lose sight of my original goal--to make fanfiction into literary fiction. Readers pick DS out of many, many other stories they could have curled up with for the night, and I must remember not to flag. I have to remember my goals and the readers, and still settle for prose, characterization, story, meaning, and sense of completion above the rest.

Very Own Van

2007-06-20T13:29:00.001-07:00

On a side note:
Now you can have your very own Van.

Hero

2007-06-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

A big conflict for me is simplicity vs. details. There are, of course, elegant solutions to satisfy both--so perhaps I should try harder, but my brain capability is often limited, as my brother would readily tell you.

It's obvious (the simplicity conflict, not my IQ) from ff reader comments on DS. I would leave little details, but from readers' confusion, I am making too many assumptions. But then, it's so patronizing to spell out everything. I could blame the readers--but I am the author, the one who designed the plot and the particular way of words, so everything is really my own fault.

As I plan more and more of DS's plot (which should have been done a year ago when I first wrote ch1), the conflict between simplicity and details becomes clearer. I want to make the story conclusion satisfying. This would be most readily achieved with a Traditional Hero. In a way, in Esca the characters most impacted by the events were Van and Folken. Hitomi's journey wasn't nearly as complete as theirs, with their conflicts, falling away, dilemmas, eagerness, and redemption. Traditional Heroes provide a clear moral compass, completion of story, and emotional identification by readers.

But the way to use them require planning and skill. It could easily become a device and a resentment. Not using them, on the other hand, could also easily make DS into the Modern Literary Work with No Heros, Just a Lot of Suffering and Is Hella Boring category.

sigh.

Most likely I will go the Hero route with modifications. Elegant solutions, where are you?

Progress Update 15

2007-05-28T23:29:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite development techniques is freewriting. Writing down thoughts to add to and put together puzzles seem to lead to new ideas. Plus it's one of my remaining few things to do on long commutes.

So now I am revising my plot. Again.

This time, though, there's actually integration between my previous two disjunct ideas. There's even more backstory and intrigue. And I'd like to finish hashing out the entire plotline this time around. As time goes on I keep finding oversights and mistakes in previous chs, but since I already released them on ff, it's unfair to modify them, even if they're just little details here and there that no one would probably care about, like the location of the Fanelian shrine, Van's description of plants, etc. But if I had thought of these details earlier, the chs would have been richer, more character-driven, and I'd be able to insert hints in layering complexity instead of mishmashing scraps together from the first 5 chs.

Well, I learned.

Another of my problems to solve is characters. There are 20 I'm re-employing and ~40 I'm making up for DS. Although, maybe it isn't really such a problem. Esca had a long list. LOTR is another prime example. I could make it work, if every one is distinct in his place and personality.

The third of the long list is Escaflowne battle scenes. I love sword scenes with and without mecha. I love love LOVE Escaflowne in dragon form. And so I keep having to create better and better plotline so I can have Van in battle, because many ideas are just so awkward that this contrivance would be against my vow to make DS realistic, not to mention it would make the story plain awful.

We'll see.

Fight from ep26.
/swoon

DS to do

2007-05-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

1. revisit Atlantis legends and Plato
2. music lyrics for ideas
3. country profiles
4. character profiles
5. double-check dialogue, addresses/honorifics
6. re-establish plot structure into linearity (the most dreaded of all)
7. draw hierarchy chart for structure (esp. B, F, T, and D)
8. double-check story timeline/time progression
9. do "applied characterization" exercises for DS
10. decide on "destinations" for characters
11. reorganize notes and details

Bedtime arrives so soon: I really need to find a solution for DS. When I was writing (back in far away November!), I typically wrote in 4 hour blocks. And I edit too much to make handwriting at all possible (not to mention I think the last time I wrote in longhand was in high school for the English AP exam).

Bah. Humbug.

Picture of Atlantis (as described by Plato) on Wiki:

Hiatus

2007-04-26T21:43:00.000-07:00

A note that's long overdue:
Ch6 will be out at the end of June.

Sorry ._, New job, long commute, and GRE prep are all eating into my spare time. I haven't stopped thinking about scenes, but any possible time to write and refine will have to come early June.

Soon, soon!

Selling

2007-03-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

I really need to change to a different car, so here are some beloved books I've accumulated over the years from Japanese stores and websites that I'm selling. Click on thumbnails for bigger image. Please let me know if you would like more scans.

Manga:

Yakitate! Japan, books 1-20, $80

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, books 1-6, $40

Artbooks:

Escaflowne filmbooks, books 1-4, $20
Storybooks on eps 1-15 from shots. Esoteric series and design information on the bottom of every page, as well as art from design notebooks at the end.

Kenshin anime series artbook "best collection", $10

Kenshin KADEN, $18
Ultimate collection of Kenshin information. Notes from beginning to series to end of jinchu arc that manga volumes 1-28. Also pages on character, sword styles, etc.

Doujinshi:

Escaflowne, "Vision" published by Link Out (comedy), $6
Compilation of comedy pages.

Escaflowne, "Van Fanel Remodeling Project" by Minato Tajima (comedy, slightly adult), $10
A funny, lighthearted story by one of the best adult Escaflowne doujinshi artists.

Kenshin, "Saikai" by Shinji Yamaguchi (adult), $12
Popular adult Keshin doujinshi artist.

All are in excellent condition. The prices are ~50% of original cost and includes shipping, but are open to negotiation. Email in comment box for contact.

Esca Music 2

2007-03-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

Uploaded mp3s:
OST1, OST2, OST3, Lovers Only, movie.

Feel free to contribute to my speculation on ep placement. (Track list is from Yoko Kanno Project. James also has the first few seconds of each track on the site.) These are from memory, until I set aside some time to match them with the series. In particular I have more trouble with music in fight sequences.

OST1
01. Yakusoku wa Iranai (Promises not Necessary)
TV edit (Lovers 01) as series intro.
02. Flying Dragon
battle on the river at the borders of Asturia and Freid, with Van, Allen, and the Dragonslayers, ep9.
Gem: Van, Hitomi, and Allen's escape from Zaibach, ep18.
03. Dance of Curse
the music during scene selection on DVD. Also Van's first fight inside Esca, ep2.
Gem: Van and Allen's last fight, ep26.
04. Murder
Balgus's death.
05. Escaflowne
?
06. Angel
Varie at the lake.
Gem: Van comes to get Hitomi, ep24.
07. Cubic
(fight sequence?)
08. Romance
Dryden & Millerna's wedding, ep20.
Gem: Millerna's declaration at Crusade's departure: "Allen, I will never give up", ep8.
09. NE ZU MI
Crusade crew storms Vione for Van's rescue mission, ep5.
10. Wings
Hitomi makes the 5 meter leap, ep5.
11. Gloria
Second part of track is recap on Romance.
12. Eyes
Van discovers Hitomi and Allen on the Meifia Bridge, ep20.
13. Empty the Pocket
Gem: Hitomi and Yukari on their way home, ep1.
14. White Dove
Van and Hitomi arrives in Asturia for the first time, ep6.
15. Mystic Eyes
TV edit (Lovers 19) as series ending credits.
16. Deja Blue
Marlene's music box that conceals her diary, ep13.

OST2
01. The Vision of Escaflowne
Van fighting Naria and Eriya at the Gate of Atlantis, ep17.
02. Fanelia
?
03. Ask the Owl
Van and Allen's first fight in guymelefs, ep3.
04. Charm
Van's moment with Escaflowne so it would become him, ep13.
05. Country Man
?
06. A Mole Man
Merle sizing up Hitomi in their sick bed, ep4.
07. Cradle Song
(Allen?)
08. Machine Soldier
(Dilandau and Dragonslayers?)
09. Shadow of Doubt
Folken's asylum with Asturia, ep23.
10. A Far Cry
Folken returns to Fanelia and waits for Van, ep22.
11. Market Place
?
12. Medicine Eater
?
13. Godds Drunk
?
14. Cat's Delicacy
Merle steals Hitomi's pendant, ep2.
15. Love
16. Hitomi's Theme
Span shot of Hitomi in her room against the Asturia night?
Gem: Van and Hitomi's conversation about their family, ep8.
17. If You
?

OST3
01. Short Notice
ep preview music
02. Arcadia
Hitomi enters Atlantis, ep17.
Gem: Folken and Van's reunion in Fanelia, ep22.
03. Epistle
(fight scene)
Gem: Van defeats Dragonslayers after healing from Escaflowne's repairs, ep14.
04. Farewell
Gem: Dryden explains secrets of Esca and calls upon the Ispanos, ep14.
05. Aoi Hitomi
Hitomi walks away from a fight with Allen, ep23.
06. Perfect World
Leon second meeting with Hitomi's grandma at Asgard and his thoughts for Encia, ep17.
07. I Recommend Instincts
Gem: Track team scene, ep1.
08. Scrappy
Naria and Eriya's nyan nyan kempo, ep20.
09. Shrilly
Fortona Temple in Freid, ep13.
10. Revenge
?
11. Illusion
?
12. Blaze
Escape while Freid's capital Godashim burns, ep13.
13. Fatal
Folken's whistle, ep5 and ep25.
14. Hikari No Naka E (Into the Light)
The second time Hitomi and Yukari talk about Amano leaving Japan, ep24.
15. Again
Gem: Hitomi tells the story of Escaflowne to Amano in school clinic, ep24.

Lovers Only
01. Yakusoku wa Iranai (Promises Not Necessary, TV edit)
Intro.
02. The Vision of Escaflowne (Take 2)
?
03. Memory of Fanelia
Gem: King Aston celebrates the magnificence of Escaflowne at the dinner table, ep7.
04. Dance of Curse
(see OST1 03)
05. Zaibach
Zaibach forces surround Freid, ep13?
06. Flying Dragon
(see OST1 02)
07. Cradle Song
(see OST2 07)
08. Tomodachi (Friends)
The CD that Hitomi picks up at the Asturian bazaar, ep6.
09. Bird Cage
Van, Allen, Hitomi as Dornkirk's prisoners in Zaibach, ep18.
10. Chain
Van's fight at Rampant Port, ep23?
Gem: Hitomi and Allen's kiss, ep19.
11. Epistle
(see OSt3 03)
12. Perfect World
(see OST 06)
13. Blaze (Take 2)
14. Hitomi Theme
(see OST2 16)
15. Angel
(see OST1 06)
16. Neko no Kimochi (Cat's Feelings)
(not in series?)
17. Arcadia
(see OST3 02)
18. Kaze ga Fuku Hi (The Days the Wind Blows)
(not in series?)
19. Mystic Eyes (TV Edit)
ending theme
20. The Story of Escaflowne ~ End Title
end of series

Edited 03/20: Added Gem's comments.

Marriage 2

2007-03-18T23:56:00.000-07:00

A few thoughts I wrote for myself yesterday:
- Van's reactions in ep1 justified (mostly)
- Varie as person, wife, mother
- if V+H's expectations at end of series mirrored "Into the Light"
- V's control and experience in his domestic and diplomatic political fronts
- Fanelia's image before and after the war

And the last topic led me to think about an interesting point--in ep6 when Millerna met Allen et al. at Crusade's landing, she said she had visited Fanelia as a child while Folken was there. But why was Millerna (and presumably Aston) in Fanelia?

Since the timeline according to Escaflowne Compendium is
Millerna, Van, Hitomi born -15
Goau died -12
Folken disappears -10
Marlene goes to Freid -6
then it should have been at least 10 years ago.

Two possibilities: (1) Aston goes to pay respects for Goau's passing; or (2) They visit for another reason, most likely after Goau's death. But in Millerna's recollection, Van and Folken were playing on the castle grounds, so the remembrance of the scene was generally happy. And if Aston had visited for Goau's funeral, then he would have mentioned it to Van in their conversations and probably would not have tested Van and Escaflowne for their performance in the coliseum.

Even if it wasn't for Goau, travel on Gaea hardly seems comparable to our standards, so the trip should likely be for business. But the business that compelled Aston to bring his family along should also be personal enough to include the youngest princess. A potential marriage alliance, perhaps.

A closer look at their ages collaborates with the possibility:
Folken 25
Eries, Allen, Dryden 21
Millerna, Van 15

Marlene's age was never mentioned, but it should be close to Folken's. Considering Millerna's match with Dryden and Marlene's marriage to Freid, Aston should have been calculating for a suitable match either within Asturia to continue the throne line or with a royal household outside to strengthen diplomatic alliances.

If Aston did consider Folken and Fanelia, and decided on Freid instead, then it could have been its larger territory, the Duke was already in power (as opposed to Folken yet a king), or a number of other factors. But it is an interesting thought that if different choices were made, Folken and Marlene could have been together. (And then, would Marlene and Allen still be together?)

Wings 2

2007-03-16T01:04:00.000-07:00

I'm getting closer to actual writing progress, finally (after 4 months! I can't believe it's been so long. Where did all that time go?).

As I mentioned before, I tend to get great ideas right before I fall asleep, and then become torn between getting out of bed immediately to write it down or relying on my horrible memory and that invariably turns into "oh shit I had a really great idea yesterday but I can't remember what it is aggh~".

Anyway, yesterday night I thought up a good scene for ch6's end. Exciting. It'll be similar to ch4's end, except, well...you'll see :D I'm still deciding how dangerous I'd like to make it--spark or no spark between our antitheses of Romeo and Juliet. There are justifications for both possibilities, although my inclination is to go with my usual amusement based on Van's embarrassment and close calls. It's just much more fun that way.

I've been thinking about offering my extra Esca filmbooks as rewards for the Esca music project or as prizes for a little game within DS chs. I can't decide if it's my most brilliant idea or retardedly lame. Perhaps it depends on what the question is.

This picture (v) always shocks and confuses me. I'm always thinking: Why are they naked? Isn't Esca supposed to a teen series? And why isn't Van molting everywhere? It's confounding D:

Does my inner hopeless realist show through when I consider Van too gentlemanly to do anything like this inappropriate embrace within current confines of their relationship? (Oh man, I could write an entire essay on my views of V+H doujinshi I linked to the other day--part of me goes "I can't stop staring at the beautiful art" and the other part goes "no, no, Van, tell me it's not true. Noooo".) Or maybe it's actually because I'm too much an idealist to consider it in character with Van's dismal performance in ep19.

Nevertheless, the picture has inspired numerous fanfiction renditions of glorious wings in hugs and beds. And that's why I've vowed (yes, vowed!) there's none of that in DS. Wings are precious things, not meant for requests and displays. Wings mean more than dreams and flying. Wings should carry their own meanings of "deeper than the sky".

And let's stop there. It'll be so much better within its ch than here, I promise.

Esca Music

2007-03-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

This week while I'm organizing music for a request by Algelic I realized that I have all of the Escaflowne soundtracks except for the Yubiwa single and the Jeture audio drama.

Although the Yoko Kanno Project is fantastic, especially its efforts in lyrics transcription, one of my dream Esca projects is to list each track with the corresponding episode number. I think it'll enhance the emotional nuance of the particular scene when we listen to the music alone. But even with repeat viewings of the series, some of these tracks are hard to pinpoint. Perhaps I'll ask for reader assistance in the project when I post ch6.

Favorite tracks: First Vision (movie), Romance (OST1), Eyes (OST1). And of course, Into the Light (OST3), DS's theme song ;3

Curiously, on all three OST covers, Hitomi's eyes are purple.

Hitomi

2007-03-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

Previously I had believed in putting pieces of myself within Hitomi in DS. And I think that's why I enjoyed writing Van more, partly perhaps I hesitate to bare certain things for public viewing, and partly because Van had his real voice. But as Hitomi's development will be even more critical than Van's, since she had moved further away from that point 10 years earlier, and as I must know what she thinks of events in ch4-6, it's time to write her real voice.

Let's establish "the facts" first:
Hitomi Kanzaki
25 years old, 12/9, 165cm
University of Toyko veterinary division
4 years junior veterinarian in partnership
lives at home with parents in Kamakura
boyfriend: Sousuke Yamamoto

Since anime/manga creators frequently use astrology signs and blood type as pointers in their characters, here's Wiki's Sagittarius entry:
Individuals born under this sign are thought to have a dynamic, clever, quick witted, intellectual, ethical, humorous, generous, open-hearted, compassionate, and energetic character, but one which is also prone to pridefulness, impulsiveness, impatience, impracticality, and blind optimism. Sagittarians are said to like traveling, getting to the heart of the matter, freedom, laws and meanings, and the general "feel" of things. They do not like off the wall theories, being tied down domestically, being constrained, cooling their heels, and being bothered with details.

And then:
How does 10 years change her to make her more normal?
Look past her ambiguity in her relationship with Sousuke for real feelings.
Memories vs. perception of Van's changes vs. Van's perception of her changes.
What does Hitomi want? What is she afraid of?

In ep26, right before Hitomi sees an image of Van, what was she thinking?

Doujinshi 4

2007-03-08T00:16:00.000-08:00

The Love&Peace website/blog by the Japanese doujinshi artist Tajima Minato has relocated due to foreigners using her work without permission. That made me very sad, and also made me think about my own posts of doujinshi images here. Although my intention is to promote their work, it's still using their work without permission. I'm not sure what my answer is yet, since for the most part I've only posted coverpages.

But some of their restrictions are unreasonably severe--one circle asks for readers to not download any images at all and delete ones they already have. On the technical side, there's no real way to restrict the user from saving images, since the images have already been downloaded when the page loaded, and the act of saving it into a folder different from temporary internet files is merely on the browser side. Even if the page disables right-clicking, there are ways to get around it. (And it also makes page navigation a hindrance, grr.) On the human nature side, people like to collect beautiful things.

And really, there's no good prevention of fraud and theft on the web. A lot of utilities and programs are actually designed for the downloader in mind, and prevent other people from seeing the real download. There is a Chinese saying "Boundaries higher by a feet, Lawlessness higher by a yard". I believe that we have to take good preparation to protect ourselves, and then trust the rest.

As for Love&Peace, I'm ambivalent. It's true that websites shouldn't scan and publish her doujinshi, but then, it's so difficult for us out of Japan to get our hands on her work that I can't help but cherish websites like Herya. (warning: explicit art.)

Is there a middle ground? I'm not sure.

Her new book that I'd love to get to read:

Goau

2007-03-04T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'd like to incorporate Gaou and Varie as part of the storyline puzzle, but working with Goau has been more difficult than Varie. Perhaps partly it's because of the lack of father figures in Esca: Goau dies young, Balgus dies in ep2, Aston is more a king than a family presence, Dryden has no respect for Meiden, Leon left his family behind, and Hitomi's father was hardly mentioned--all except Freid.

Although Goau and Varie's deaths have more impact on Van's upbringing and motivations than Merle losing her entire family, in Van's memories, we only see Varie weeping at Goau's deathbed and his gravestone--never any interaction between father and son. Folken and Balgus took Goau's place in teaching and playing with Van since he was 3. So it's difficult to say what Van remember of Goau or expect him to be.

But despite all this, the most significant pressure from Goau is actually his lack of presence. As tantamount as Van's royal position and his Draconian heritage is being an orphan with all the expectancy carried over from the absent Varie and Goau. So even if I do not carry him over to DS, it's important to answer questions about Goau in order to understand Van. Two main issues: who was Goau, and how does his life and death impact Van?

I think of Goau as an older version of Van, had Van been more well adjusted. He was obviously a person with great distinction and inspiration--he was revered enough for someone like Balgus to follow into battles, generous enough to allow Balgus a training leave, and respected enough for Balgus to rush back to Fanelia in loyalty. His legacy prompted Balgus to take over Van's training and life for 10 years.

Yet he was more than leadership to his men, he was of emotions. By the time he met Varie, he was already 30, so he must have been rejecting other potential matches until he fell in love immediately with Varie at the lake. His love completely disregarded all caution, logic, and any other voices of conventional wisdom. He was a man of immediate action and reaction--and Van, at the very least in this respect, turned out to be just like his father. (Though, I must say, Goau was more charming. Sorry, Van.)

But the question remains: how did he die? There were a few clues, but none absolutely telling in its clarity: (1) It must have been a private matter--if it was death from battle or political trouble, Fanelia must have been in an uproar, and Van and Balgus would have vowed vengeance. But instead his death was lightly carried over, with only the leadership of the crown laid heavily on Folken's shoulders. (2) He died at the age of 48, hardly old, as Balgus was 70 at the start of Esca. (3) When Balgus rushed back, he had said "I was too late"--so the manner of Goau's death must have been relatively long, at least enough for Balgus to hear the news from a messenger or rumors and then transverse back from wherever he was training. (4) In opposition to #3, Goau's death must have been relatively sudden, as there is no memory of a bedridden Goau, nor did he look sick at all on his deathbed.

So many diseases and ways to die to still choose from. An acute illness, perhaps, or a severe accident. I'm undecided whether I should make it terribly shocking or romantic.

Making plans for a modified remake of this scene :3a

Mistakes

2007-02-28T02:35:00.000-08:00

Ch6 will have to be rewritten.

Although Leal as the narrator gives an interesting perspective on Van, beyond that, there's nothing else to gain. It's wrong to allow more than Van and Hitomi as narrators, at this point. The experience of the events would be better told by Van, so we can once more look into his feelings without the usual distance he requires. Besides, I'm sure the readers will enjoy the political matters more if Van is giving the running dialogue ;3

I really value Jossi and other readers' input on here and as comments directly on ff. They always remind me the importance of a "story". DS isn't just an exercise in writing, it's a medium for readers to experience V+H's feelings.

Ironically, I seem to be busier without a job than with a job. I need to start scheduling writing time again.

Tsubasa no Kami has in-depth information about the Esca movie. And I had mentioned in my first posts that she hosts the only known map of Gaea. A total help for me :D This is from her program gallery page:

Character Profile

2007-02-26T04:00:00.000-08:00

The most common mistake I see on ff is treating character profile as a list of physical markings. In addition to smearing the writing into lower class with simplified descriptions of a tall and brown haired man, authors are missing out on the most vital and powerful aspect of fiction: characterization.

There must be overwhelming background evidence to tell how characters will act in a certain situation. (Not all presented to the readers, of course.) And then it's the author's craft to connect the dots to make the experience pleasurable by the confirmation or surprise.

Of course, physical descriptions are important to bringing the characters alive in imaginations. But even in our first impressions with a stranger, there are numerous details we consciously and intuitively receive. Is he in good shape? How clean and stylish are her clothes? Does she wear flashy jewelry with flip-flops? Is he hunching to appear less noticeable? Does she hold her coffee cup with her little finger out or cradle it in both hands? Doe she look elegant but destroy the picture by saying insensible things? All of these are physical things, but they give so much more character information than sky blue eyes.

The best part to me in the film Stranger than Fiction was the part when Harold Crick says his favorite word is "integer." I had loled, because it's a word that completely defines his personality and behaviors.

As an exercise today I wrote the Esca characters' words. They're not their favorite, really, but words that I think exemplify them. So here's the list of their Esca-timeline words, though I've still to define (and keep secret from you, mwhaha) their DS words. And let me know if I've hit or missed the mark!

Van - trust
Hitomi - hope
Merle - Van
Allen - companionship
Millerna - love
Dryden - power
Aston - country
Eries - propriety
Chid - filial duty
Celena - emptiness

As for doing complete character profiles, I must admit I haven't finished them yet either. I think at this point I'd better concentrate on the next ch, rather than filling out the list to its entirety. But I do consider many of the following points as I work through scenes, and here's a partial list. For in-depth strategies and examples, pick up the book The Plot Thickens.

outward appearance. posture.
mode of dress. fabrics. expense. style. colors.
words. phrases. sentence to live by.
favorite colors, animals, foods, smells, places. reading material. music. art. decoration style.
family situation and relationship
history. jobs. education. occupation.
outlook on life. future plans.
personality. quirks.
distinguishing characteristic.
likes and dislikes.
recreation. hobbies. vacations.
circle of friends. types of enemies. past lovers.
perception vs. reality

One of my favorite pictures of Van is him in ending credits. It seems to say so many different things. And why is it? It's not his excuse of a shirt, or his hair, or his long lashes. The mystery comes from his closed eyes, that highlight on the bridge of his nose and his lips, his self-hug. Is it expectation, acceptance, waiting, or loneliess? Only Van knows.

Deadline

2007-02-08T01:35:00.000-08:00

My new goal for DS is to finish ch6 by end of February. I've been avoiding definite deadlines because writing is for fun, not work, but I think it's gotten to the point that I need to get off my butt and let stress motivate me to higher performance. Readers need new chs, and I need to start writing again.

Still, my plans for the latter part of DS have been more exciting than ever. The last chs of V+H's story will be roomfuls of effervescent bubbles ;D I rub hands in anticipation just thinking about it. It's been really hard to restrain myself from writing those scenes out already, even though I know those will change by the time I get there in the storytelling.

Now off to continue my consideration of Fanelia's budget for airships.

Lack of Updates

2007-01-23T02:52:00.000-08:00

Had a few more ideas about the last few chs of DS. The events surrounding their romance is going to be awesome. V+H will be true to character down to the last bits.

Which, of course, is totally useless for anything I can publish for ch6 on ff.net ; ; In my only defense, I can only say that when pressed with looming thunder overhead, I tend to become an ostrich and bury my sight as far underground as it would go.

But seriously, I've been mired in fixing my computer and thinking really hard about the last two years to write interview responses. I'm contemplating a job making cappuccinos, so I can at least have an income while I look for something more career-while.

To celebrate my 100th post on DS, I opened a random thoughts blog, Jomiel Says. It's just for fun and giggles.

Progress Update 14

2007-01-13T03:21:00.000-08:00

I'm having trouble thinking about and finishing ch6. This makes me wonder if it's because I'm subconsciously sensing failure even if I work it to completion. But there's nothing obviously wrong. Hitomi meets Van in the library and they have a conversation. Am I intimidated by their dialogue, the subject, or perhaps what might happen if I let them speak freely? I'm not sure.

I do, however, think a lot about the middle and the end of DS. This week has been very cold, and fitting cold into Hitomi's capture would especially highlight the whole miserable experience. You fist your hands to spark some feeling into them, your toes tingle with hurt when they're in tepid water, the feeling that your hands would never be warm even if they burrow underneath your arms because your whole body has become cold--but of course I have to careful, because descriptions are just words. Actions elicit feelings.

Although, I suppose cold is sort of a strange thing for me to put in, considering that the Esca crew traveled from Fanelia to Zaibach to Asgard, and they never seem to feel cold. In particular, Van and Hitomi regularly traveled at airship altitudes but never seem to feel the subzero temperature. *shiver* (Ironically, the only one with enough sense to wear a coat was Leon, the labeled madman.)

Chibi Hitomi and Van:

Dryden

2007-01-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

One idea of mine for a long time is to make Asturia the Gaean equivalent of "the West". Its power amid the Alliance countries, its foreign policy attitude that influences country relationships with each other, possible colonialization, its reception as threat and obstacle among other countries, etc.

Of course, to make that happen, King Grava Aston cannot remain ruler of Asturia. His actions during the Gaea War was self-preservation. But if Dryden becomes king...

Dryden is certainly my favorite secondary character. His brash confidence, his understanding of wealth as a powerful tool, his charismatic and decisive leadership, his bookish nature--all these make him an appealing, complex character.

And I think given the opportunity, he could become someone who'd understand Hitomi the best (after Van, of course--and Van's case is evident in ep24 when he answered where Hitomi went).

I'm going to have a lot of fun with Dryden :D

Goong

2007-01-09T18:54:00.000-08:00

From Sapphirefly's post and link, this weekend I read Goong up to vol 10. It is surprisingly romantic, despite the gender inequality. (Even though the manhwa explained the women's lack of independence and power as court culture, inequality is much more prevalent in East Asia, as can be seen from the public censure of Hyo-Rin and Chae-Gyeong's feelings of inadequacy when Shin is absent.) Some page had said Goong was made in the wake of Hana Yori Dango's popularity (which spawned anime, movies, tv series, as well as Taiwan drama series Meteor Garden), but I see Goong as a cross between manhwa and traditional twists on Cinderella like My Fair Lady--the transformation into a swan is just the beginning, and Chae-Gyeong doesn't change things by reversing traditions and values, but by following them in her own way.

Since Goong is now licensed for the US and fan translations hard to get, I tried out the drama in an effort to finish the story, but seeing Shin change from SoHee Park's beautiful art into a real boy is a total crush of hopes. I find her art similar in style to Kaori Yuki's Angel Sanctuary and Godchild--elaborate hair, beautiful men, women with a gothic romance feel. Now that I'm back in the Bay Area, perhaps I'll go to the rental manga store again and finish the series in Chinese.

As for how this all relates to Esca... It does give me shivers on a new AU story (just imagining Van dressed up in the fashionable male ideal of East Asia like Shin makes me excited), but most of all, the romance in Goong is fantastically self-deprived and slow. And then when it does come, the romance blooms into this dramatic satisfaction. Gives me ideas.

Almost all of my favorite authors updated during the holiday break. I should get going, too.

New Year

2007-01-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

During vacation, I read The Name of the Rose--it was brilliant in its languages, not only in its English construction (originally written in Italian), but also its Middle Ages structure and its use of foreign languages (mostly Latin, but also Greek, French, German, dialects of Italian, and references to Arabic). The PS section from the author was also interesting. Eco talked about how he conceived the idea and how he worked to its completion. I should find Poe's "Philosophy of Composition" again and reread it.

Again, no updates on DS; I'm sorry ._. I'm trying to find a job and live as much free time as possible, as contradictory as the two sound...

Check In

2006-12-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

Now that the cats have settled in and most of the boxes are put away, I've been thinking on DS. Mainly it's back planning from what I've learned last term and questions from The Plot Thickens, wavering between not much interesting and too much interesting to post here :P

Anyway, just wanted to check in before I get back to more errands.

This is another doujinshi cover; I don't remember where I got it from. It was originally two image scans, but I thought it made a good background even if there was a seam. Click on the picture for a larger one ^^

Doujinshi 3

2006-12-11T17:45:00.000-08:00

Since I'm going to be missing for the next couple of weeks for moving and vacation (unless I am seized with a sudden urge to transmit text messages by holding my arm straight at 20 degrees to the southeast), I'll try to make this post good, hehehe :3

The art in my new Esca doujinshi, "Van Fanel Remodeling Project," is fantastic. If you're interested in scans and translations, I'm open to that. But otherwise, it's only amusing in its ridiculous way, as you will see.

As the note at the bottom of the insert says "there is no cool Van in this book," so here's the awesome Van in the insert, in all his wallpaper sized glory. Translation for it:
name: Van Slanzar de Fanel
age: 15
born: Fanelia
height: 165cm
weight: 51kg
birthday: white, 12th moon (April 12)
sign: Aries
motto: will not turn his back to the enemy
love interest: Hitomi Kanzaki
notes: virgin...?

And now we can go on to Van's embarrassment:

Only Van can make the maid outfit look so good.

I'm not sure why exactly Asian women like to have pretty boys dress up in girl outfits, and I'm even less sure about why I like it... Maybe it's something about how they make even the most beautiful women look like hags.

For DS ch6, I think the main focus now is to get Hitomi's perspective on what's about to happen. Leal's POV is a dive into politics and the new mystery, but only Hitomi can bring the explanation and feelings for the readers. Also need more backstories on the minor characters.

On Writing

2006-12-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

Today I'd like to talk about books on writing and elaborate on things I've learned since May.

Best two books so far: The Elements of Style by Strunk and The Plot Thickens by Lukeman. You can get both for less than $25. Such a steal. Both are worth rereading every few months.

For more reading: The Handbook of Good English has a handy alphabetical guide of common mistakes (on to vs onto, etc.), but its longer discussions on grammar rules are harder to wade through. As for academic discussions on craft, Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft has story excerpts and writing exercises in addition to thought-provoking content about the basics, but it's at a textbook price because it is, well, a textbook. Of the earlier two books by Lukeman, A Dash of Style is interesting, but probably only to someone like me who loves punctuation. And anyway, it is concerned more about the emotions of punctuation; The Handbook does a better job on correct usage.

As for writing advice, I'll probably repeat myself, but here goes:

Writing is really rewriting. I don't think about the craft part when I'm writing the draft, how I am using first person retrospective and I need to add in more tension here and how double negatives add to this character. I just type on. Then after the scene is over or the draft is over, that's really where the work begins.

I read through for grammar and diction, the flow of words, the expression of imagery. And then after that, I think about what it's missing to make it better, and what doesn't work and needs to be cut out. Most times, I think about: (1) How readers are smarter than I think. Overdrawn points make readers feel oppressed. Specific detail, characterizations, and actions let the reader draw their own conclusions, and they'd feel happier to see by their own effort. (2) What underlying detail I've missed that would illuminate the scene by characterization. In ch5 I had initially failed to include Van's thoughts about Hitomi during Melidoul's exam. Thanks to buddy Chocolatelova for catching that ^^ Terrible if it stayed that way.

Then after the little bits are fixed, it's time for the bigger picture. I read it twice, once as if I'm reading out loud, once as I'd read in a browser. Do both reads make sense? Does the faster read miss important details? Does the faster read elicit a different emotion? How's the flow of the prose in both paces?

By the time a ch is posted, I've read it through dozens of times, but most importantly, it has gone through the rigors of Chocolatelova. In my opinion, an editor shouldn't only look for grammar and other easy mistakes. Make your editor work harder! ;) She's a whole resource, full of truths, full of a different perspective, full of different spins. I've spent all these time on my ch, so I think everything is logical and wonderfully executed, but she brings a fresh look. When I've been working so close to each word I'd have half the ch memorized, it's awesome to have someone point out a fatal flaw in the big picture. She is able to point out inconsistencies, details that should be better explained, things missing that could bring things to better closure. And since she's reading without any judgment and prejudice on what should and shouldn't be in the ch, she is able to experience the emotions of the ch, of each scene, of particular words.

Today's Van is drawn by Kine, a Korean professional doujinshi and manga artist. On a side note, if only I had read this website before I went to Japan. Or actually, maybe it's better I hadn't... It is already damn crazy that I have 2.78GB worth of 5848 Escaflowne images. (90% of that is screencaps, and Van is probably in 75% of those...)

Edit: Sometimes I forget angle brackets break my posts. Argh. Fixed. (12/08)

Film Books 2

2006-12-05T10:40:00.000-08:00

Here's the sequel post to Film Books 1 ^^

In ep16 the white Japanese sweet (looks to be a mochi cake with red bean paste and nuts in the middle) is made by Hitomi's mom. No wonder why Hitomi is bad at cooking, haha. In my house we like to say that these talents skip generations.
The Schezar family is a major house of knights in Asturia. Because Leon chose not to be a knight, his family was alienated from the main branch. He left his home because he was unhappy, the pressures of being born into a knight's house. He went to Asgard to find Gaea's legends because of his interests in archeology.
The names Naria and Eriya that Folken gave to Narunaru and Beruberu are the names of Fanelia's twin goddesses of harvest.
Hitomi's pendant is one of the pendents that all Atlanteans carried, as seen in ep17. The energist is synthetic, made from their concentrated thoughts/spirit.
At the beginning of the Esca project, the story, concept, and title were different, and was for 39 eps. Then the revisions added Folken, Dragon Slayers, as well as other characters, and was condensed to 26 eps.
Leon and Dornkirk were both going to the Mystic Valley, but only Leon entered, because Dornkirk had impure intentions.
The energist from Varie (at the end of ep17) was a test for her son, to know about the enemy. So after Van was teleported in front of Dornkirk, the energist fulfilled its purpose and disappeared. As for the why the chest energist on Escaflowne turned green--that was sealed off by Varie because she didn't want him to rely on guymelef during this dangerous situation. Tough love, I suppose.
When they've escaped from Zaibach on Escaflowne, Allen averted his eyes after letting Hitomi go because he was embarrassed. This was his first time flying on Esca.
The images at the beginning of ep19 was a filmclip made by Dornkirk for the military council, titled "Zaibach if Escaflowne is left wild".
Ep22's flashback when Folken read a story to Van--that was a real scroll artifact from 10000 years ago about the first king of Fanelia. So I was partially right ;P
In ep23, Van, Hitomi, and Merle helped out at the shelter outside of Palas city. Van came along (with Merle attached) because Hitomi is unfamiliar with Gaea's geography and relies on him for directions. (Although, Van hasn't visited Palas before, either. So maybe Hitomi is just bad in directions? That'd explain ep19 when Van rushes out into the rain because he thought Hitomi would be lost.)

Tension 2

2006-12-03T23:55:00.000-08:00

I've had the ending 7 chs plotted out for a long time, with some scenes in definite play-by-play. Good to know the arrival point, but the middle section is awfully messy and running everywhere. I think I can condense the events in Palas to cut out a couple chapters and make a faster pace. I also need to interweave in the Critias plot. Stupidly, so far the climax of the story takes place away from H's viewpoint in Fanelia, and that seems a little defeating in itself. Feelings come through character action, after all.

One thought as I go through my notes: I have too many characters T_T Maybe it's not so much trouble if I could just figure out a better way to keep information on them all. Lists are no problem, but character interaction associations are hard to keep. When V+H are in Palas at the trade agreement meeting, I'd like those chs to be full with people and their different agendas. I've briefly touched on this in a previous post, but here's the actual list, just for fun:

- Van v Hitomi
- Hitomi v Allen
- Chid v Allen
- Eries v Allen
- Van v Allen v Dryden
- Millerna v Hitomi v Merle
- Dryden v Meiden
- Aston v Millerna+Dryden v Mia
- Allen v Aston
- Van v Cim
- Cim v Hitomi
- Critias v Hitomi v Van
- Merle v Ramu
- Eries v Millerna
- Hitomi v Meiden+Aston
- Hitomi v countries
- Leal+Belian v Van
- Leal+Belian v Hitomi
- Allen v Celena
- countries with each other (Asturia, Basram, Cesario, Deadalus, Egzardia, Fanelia, Freid)

Maybe I'm overthinking it, lol. But undercurrents of character tension bring more force to top-lying events. And sometimes it's only through interaction that true motives may be known.

Progress Update 13

2006-12-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

I reread Dune to prepare for the political landscape and the feeling of Van's authority in the next chs. (Paul Atreides is another awesome character, and the book deals with ecology, politics, concepts of time, and culture. It's one of the best science fiction books, if you haven't read it already!)

And now reorganizing storyline. So painful. A lot of my notes are really just random questions and reminders to myself that have no distinct place in the story:
- how did Goau die?
- clear adversary vs. politics vs. self
- evil not really evil, good not really good
- how old is Varie really?

Or things I have to write pages and pages of exploration to explain to myself:
- relationship between Van and Allen (sword mastery, Balgus, Hitomi, power, their different reactions to losing their family)
- other 2 swordmasters of Gaea
- Hitomi doesn't believe in fate anymore and has no visions -> reality of getting first vision in years, and others' assumptions vs. her thoughts vs. Van's thoughts

I suppose both things are good to have, but condensing all my thoughts into a straight outline is so hard ._, I feel like I should have more short story experience before trying this huge project. Oh well. Just needs more effort and organization and perseverance. Must not lose excitement from last post!

The MBEM cover:

The Sound of Falling Snow 2

2006-11-30T21:06:00.000-08:00

My class thought The Sound of Falling Snow would be better if the present scene was written in present tense, so the differentiation between memories and actual events would be clearer. They also wanted a clearer setting in the scenes for added details (why was oranges hard to get? does Emma still live in Philly?). Oh, one interesting thing--the ending would be better without the lat paragraph, and that was actually my original intent. I suppose my reason for adding it was superfluous. Otherwise, the main comments were the same as Sincerity's--tone, imagery, and sentences were ok. I'm excited that my professor thought I should continue writing. That's the question I've wanted to ask but have been too afraid to ask :P

Ok, totally psyched to work on DS now! p(^w^)q Here's a Van "yosh, yosh" picture:

Japanese 3

2006-11-28T21:42:00.000-08:00

Yay, my orders from Yahoo Japan auctions are here! $^o^$ I flipped through film books 5 & 6 tonight, and will take some time this week to solidify translation on interesting passages. I also got my doujinshi, and it's...pretty wacky. I suppose that's what I get for buying something with the title "Van Fanel Remodeling Plan", hahaha. This will take longer to put up, though, since I'll need to scan and translate fairly accurately.

Speaking of translation, I've been preparing this post on "omoi" for quite a while :P

思い (おもい, omoi) has several meanings: thought, mind, heart, feelings, emotion, sentiment, love, affection, desire, wish, hope, expectation, imagination, experience.

おもい is used extensively in its multifaceted meanings in Esca. It's too bad that there's no real English equivalent, and thus each おもい is translated into different words.
- Leon's revelation that wishs will come true
- the thoughts from Atlantis that created Gaea
- Van's love that brought Hitomi back in ep24
- Folken's cares toward Van
- V+H's emotions that ended the Fate Alternation Machine

The pun on おもい (although not intended by Sunrise) is another word with the same pronounciation, 重い, which means heavy, severe.

One translation I'm always a little sad about is the inability to distinguish very clearly in English the difference between 好き and 愛する, which are both translated "to love". But 好き is closer to "like" than "love". It's commonly used in shoujo manga when the heronine/hero confesses. Hitomi used 好き for her feelings toward Van and Allen, but Allen used 愛する in his moonlight proposal.

Anyway, I've started working on DS again yesterday, and it was amazingly hard to write after not writing for a couple of weeks. The words came awkwardly, and the "effect" spirit was faraway. Really need to write regularly, I suppose.

The Sound of Falling Snow

2006-11-27T09:15:00.000-08:00

The story below is for my class this week. As my habit, I'll comment at the end of the story. It seems long in blog format, but really only 1500 words.

-
The Sound of Falling Snow

I’ve been sitting at this window for as long as I could remember.

Just before dawn the plow had driven by, scattering the white coverlet into distinct sections. Road and snow. Black and white. Man and nature. At six the cafe boy walked up the street, unlocked the shop door, tried to scrap off his boots, and went in. He reappeared at six-ten with a shovel, and cleaned the sidewalk next door as well as his own. Good boy. The used bookstore’s owner was a bent old man, with delicate silver frames and a lion-headed cane, and would not come downstairs from the apartment above his shop until nine thirty. At six-thirty the first customers at the cafe appeared: black wool coat, turtleneck, cashmere scarf, striped gloves. They each came out with a cup in both hands. Escaped steam from the cover slit curled in the early morning brightness.

And on it went, the coming and going of the street. Dogs, delivery trucks, mothers, schoolchildren, the postman. They exist only in the one minute they pass by on the street below.

The sky was fast falling dark outside, the last glowing vestige of the afternoon shrouded in a haze of gray. A man with brown hair and an elegant suit walked with long strides, a leather briefcase held over a shoulder casually. In front of the cafe, he paused, looking up at the sky. A woman with a trailing white scarf and a paper bag full of apples in her arms walked toward him. Her shadow was long behind her, and each prismatic fragment of her breath shone in the fading sunset.

* * *

I was carrying a bouquet, on my way to the theatre. Edward’s symphony was stopping in Philadelphia that night, and I hadn’t seen him since he left home. Father had begrudgingly given me permission to go into town, though he declared he was not going to see that good for nothing son himself. Father had not approved of Edward’s decision in music. Respectable young men go into medicine or business or law. Cello was a diversion, and artists a sham.

Mother longed to see Edward, too, I knew, but her needs were always dwarfed by Father’s gout and moods. She had stayed silent, and only gave me a tight smile when I told her in confidence that I would bring back a program for her.

The spring day was fine, and as I was allowed to be in town by my own, I had planned carefully. One never knew who one might meet at the theatre. I paused to check my reflection in a shop window. The white cap sleeve dress with lime green polka dots shone in the afternoon light. And as I turned to go, the cafe door opened and its bells jingled, and a man walked right into me.

He grasped my arm and stopped my fall, but the gossamer ribbon on the bouquet broke. The flowers scattered around our feet in a shower of petals and blossoms. He apologized and insisted on replacing the bouquet, and before I could respond or make sense of what happened, he was already guiding me back down the street to the flower stand. I stood a shoulder behind him awkwardly while he talked to the flower girl. The night wasn’t how I had imagined. My only thought was that perhaps he hadn’t noticed it was entirely my fault. Or at least, that he was too much a gentleman to point it out. Then I realized that the man was finished, and was holding the flowers with one hand, looking down at me with an amused expression. He gave me the bouquet, tipped his hat, and said goodbye.

It wasn’t until I got to the theatre doors that I noticed that he had reproduced the bouquet exactly: marigolds, English roses, strings of bluebell, dahlias, tipped carnations, amaryllis, white begonias, azaleas. In their midst was a single tulip. I pulled it out by its delicate stem and buried my nose in it. Then I pinned the snowy blossom on the bow of my hat. Maybe the day wasn’t such a disaster, after all.

Edward had given me a good seat, and smiled at me when the curtains came up. He looked happier than I last saw him, although a little thinner. The orchestra started on Beethoven’s 9th, and was halfway through the first movement before I was able to see anything else but my brother.

The man with the tulip was sitting across from Edward, his bowtie now even, a deep red violin in his hands. He was the concertmaster. And as he played, it seemed as if he wasn’t in the theatre, wasn’t watched by the audience in their stiff coats and glossy gowns, but instead on the edge of a sea cliff, feeling the sun and the whip of salty wind, looking into the glimmer on the crests of faraway waves.

After the performance, Edward came out from backstage and embraced me with a fierce happiness before I could hand him the flowers. “Emma, I’m glad you’re here.”

He called out to someone behind me, then said, “There’s someone I’d like you to meet. He’s saved me many times since I joined the symphony. And I’ve talked about you so much, Emma, that I promised I’d introduce him to my little sister.”

I turned around, and there was the man with the tulip. He said his name was Leon, and took my hand as if we hadn’t met under embarrassing circumstances. He had brown hair that almost seemed black in a dark room, eyes of the sea, and calluses on his left fingertips.

He was twenty-eight, I was nineteen.

* * *

There was a blur of red on white. The man in the suit caught an apple before it tumbled into the ridge of dirty snow at the edge of the sidewalk. He crouched by the kneeling woman and dropped it into the bag. They looked at each other for a moment, and then rose together.

* * *

In the winters when I came down with the flu, Leon would cease his Shostakovich and his Mahler, and go out into the cold. After an hour, sometimes longer, he would return and hand me an orange from underneath his coat. I never knew where he went to procure these oranges, and they were never the same. One year it had a thick dimpled cover of fragrant peel and pith, and one year it was smooth to the touch and the oils on its surface made it almost waxy.

He would draw the curtains and lay me on the sofa. Then he sat in a chair next to me and played slow pieces on the violin, like the sound of falling snow. On my spot on the sofa I would peel the orange carefully to take it off in one sheet, then separate the fruit piece by piece, eat one, and lay the rest on a clean cloth over the radiator. I’d settle back into the pillows to watch and listen to Leon and his violin. Soft light beneath the cream curtains framed his silhouette in a halo of gold, and danced between his fingers as he played.

The orange would be ready when he got to Saint-Saëns: taunt on the surface and slightly dry at the corners, but plump and warm. Its soft flesh would pop from the papery skin. When he finished Paganini, he would smile like a little boy as I placed the last piece in his palm. He ate it with his eyes closed.

* * *

I felt a weight settle over me and opened my eyes. A young man stood before me, adjusting a wool throw around my shoulders. He smiled, and his dark hair made his eyes seem brighter.

“Did you have a good day, Grandma?”

He spoke so intimately that I didn’t have the heart to correct him. I looked down at my hands, stalling my response. They were brittle and creased. Veins crossed over tendons like little blue streamers. Someone else’s hands.

The man was still smiling down at me, his eyes expectant and familiar.

“Yes. I had a nice dream.” I said.

He went behind my wheelchair. “It’s time for dinner.”

I turned to face him. “Is Leon back yet from New York?”

He paused, then bent down close to me, and laid his hands on my mine. I could feel his fingers around my palms. His tone was gentle, as if I’ve asked this before. “No, Grandma”

“Oh,” I said. “All right.”

He tried to smile and held my hands for a moment before we went out together into the dining room. There were light calluses on his fingertips.

Outside, the street was empty, all shadows and pale light from warm windows and lonely streetlights. Snow started falling again. The flakes drifted down as if they were almost weightless, turning over in their slow, silent descent.

“Jack.” He turned, his eyes widened. The name came unbidden, but whether it was his name or not, perhaps it didn’t really matter. “Where’s my cane?”
-

In my initial drafts I didn't have the last paragraph. I think it's better to have hope at the end, otherwise the sadness of her dementia is too overwhelming, in addition to the realities of being old in our society. Also I changed the street scene to be more ambiguous.

Anyway, pretty serious story compared to DS. The main problem (plenty of other ones, as well, of course) with this story is my inability to execute the idea of making Emma's reality more complex and unclear, to contrast with the clarity in her memories. But it was very difficult manipulating my sentence structure to make that feeling come alive. This was disappointing, especially since I wanted to write this story because I love how Flowers for Algernon and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time manipulated narrative storytelling. (The latter's title is actually from Doyle's Sherlock Holmes: "Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?" "To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time." "The dog did nothing in the night-time." "That was the curious incident.")

Doujinshi 2

2006-11-24T01:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! Sorry that it's been quite a while. I've been playing 3Kingdoms and Dwarf Fortress, and doing lots of exciting reading. So in lieu of actual DS things, let's talk about doujinshi some more today.

I'm reasonably happy with the deputy service, but shipping costs deter me from buying any more Esca doujinshi unless it's absolutely stunning ._. (Browsing through auctions is always fun, though.) It's sad that so many things are relatively inaccessible because I live in the wrong country. Many doujinshi are also either rare or expensive on auctions, because of their limited production and quality. But the worst thing is that I'd really prefer to buy them from the authors, instead of giving the profits to a third party. I wonder if any of them would be interested in an e-book sort of thing. I'd totally buy it.

There was the 8th Escalation (Escaflowne doujinshi festival) last month. LOVE&PEACE's blog entry has pictures of the prizes she won from the scratch lottery (scroll down to 2006.10.25). She did a special 10 year celebration doujinshi called 10 Year Love and is taking orders right now *sigh* Minato made better clothing for Van and Merle; too bad I already wrote ch2.

I've been struggling over whether or not I should talk about "mature" doujinshi here, but finding "Momentary Breeze, Eternal Moment" was as exciting as finding a great Esca fanfic on ff. It illustrates the relationship between Van and Folken in an interesting way that I never quite thought about before, and it can stand alone very well without the erotica. So I will talk about its rendition of character development and storyline:

The main idea of MBEM lies in the fundamental juxtaposition between the brothers' relationship in Van's childhood and "now," as Esca already set up.

5 years old Van finds Folken at the gardens, asking if Folken is becoming king. Folken says yes, he will probably become king, and asks if Van would dislike him if he kills a dragon. Van says no, because he likes his brother. This scene was especially great because during the conversation, Folken reties the bow on Van's shirt :3

In the "now," although he is constantly reminded of Fanelia and Balgus, Van finds himself unable to resist Folken or hate him, because he so desires their past relationship, of being close to Folken. When Van has a chance to kill Folken in his sleep, he is unable to do it. Folken wakes up, asks if Van still hates him. Van replies, no, he wants Folken to live. He cannot forget the time they've spent together.

Of course, the set up is changed to cast Van into the feminine role. His change is not only physical (more complex hair, feminine facial features, less body definition), but also emotional (attachment to the past, longing for love, hard decision to kill Folken). But the emotional depth to the story was well done and the art beautiful, and it really wasn't very yaoi except for a few pages. I had always viewed yaoi as "ew" since there are so many bad examples, but after reading MBEM I found a new level of appreciation for it. Or maybe I just like feminine boys.

Progress Update 12

2006-11-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

This week's realization: that certain elegant dignity Van is missing in ch6 is confidence. He's the king, he acts like the king, and he's expected to be the king.

The change will make Leal's part flow faster, and will set up good contrast with Hitomi's part later in the ch. I don't know exactly yet what should happen with V+H in the library though, beyond discussions on the Palas meeting and Melidoul and a hint of their previous embarrassment.

I also thought of a VH AU idea, but I'm not quite sure if it'd make a good story yet. It's definitely less serious and more fluffy, maybe around 5 chs. Well, I have time to think about it, since DS is going to take a long, long time, hah.

Sentence:
Their visitor was conspicuous in the somber room like a red-crested bird. Cim’s blond hair was as full and curly as a Basram child’s, with the color of a bright summer dawn.

Progress Update 11

2006-11-11T05:01:00.000-08:00

I've started to revise ch6 based on Chocolatelova's comments and my own list of what I see is wrong. The main problem is the line between mystery and messy. Also, I really don't have everything worked out--and hinting at unsure things is not the greatest of ideas.

In one of the earlier chs, Sapphirefly had mentioned that she would like to see Van more authoritative both within Fanelia and outside. Her idea makes for a stronger Van: he is specifically reared for the throne, so he wouldn't see his responsibilities as overwhelming or restrictive, and he would be at ease the most in meetings with his staff and in talks with other heads of state. And it's true he should be that way. By now he's been officially crowned for 10 years, and he's lived and breathed his role since 5.

So I've been trying to make his responses more definite, but being someone who avoids talking if I could communicate by writing instead, it's hard to think up good lines, haha. That certain elegant dignity remains elusive despite use of active verbs, shorter sentences, and stronger words. /sigh

Today's sentence:
The audience chamber was as sparse as the rest of the castle, its only indication of authority the solitary chair underneath the brass mark of Fanelia.

And new sketch :D I'm really happy with this one. Can you tell what Van is thinking? ;3

Ch5 Posted

2006-11-08T01:32:00.000-08:00

Getting the second round of comments from Chocolatelova tonight made me so excited about ch5 that I just had to revise immediately and post it on ff. The things she mentioned--Folken in the dream, the prophet's threat, Van's meetings--the new changes are now much, much better. And here are the sentences because I'm on a posting high and totally happy with the revision:

1) On certain nights he would dream of an unquenchable fire, the faces of death amid the flames and ashes. And last would come Folken, his wings sometimes white and sometimes black, but always with his back turned, his face in the darkness. Van would reach out to grasp his brother’s shoulders, but his hands would never touch him, as if Folken was of smoke and mists.

2) There had been an especially wearying case on inheritance, and at one point in the screaming match he was tempted to put the wife and the dead merchant’s lover and their wailing children out of his hall until they can speak in coherent, civil sentences.

I always think my newest ch is so much better than previous ones. I don't think that's just the excitement and the chocolate cake talking. We'll see what happens in the next 15 chs!

Van's Thoughts

2006-11-06T00:56:00.000-08:00

Finally, finally concluded revisions on Van's part in ch5 (at least until I get comments back). Of course, after my last blog post, I wavered again in my decision to split chs. I suppose I'll see how the clarifications on Leal's part turn out this week. I don't really know anymore ._, I swear, sometimes I feel like the only clear decision I can make is what to eat next.

Today's post is on Van, a popular topic here, I know. More accurately, it's about his damned duality of action and emotion that creates his whole allure but makes getting into that head so hard because he hardly ever admits true feelings and sometimes is so overly masculine in his brevity and statements on the obvious and then turns around into the embodiment of sad expression. Grr. Pant, pant.

So in a previous blog post I had planned to toy around with "projection of a projection", as Van probably would perceive his own feelings as a reflection belonging to others. It was a grand plan. I was almost giddy with my own cleverness.

Except, in my rewriting I couldn't even get past his thoughts, much less even consider his thoughts on Hitomi's thoughts. I've never felt so frustrated in writing for DS since I started in May. As I pictured the scene--Hitomi tending to Melidoul, Van watching--I see Van's expression, unfathomable and precisely why I love him so much, but when I need to report on his thoughts and twist his feelings into prose, I only felt like shaking him and shouting into his ear to tell me what the heck is going on inside.

Ironically, I enjoy writing Van much more than Hitomi. Or at least reading the result. It's like a double curse.

Today's sentence:
Her voice was mellow and her gaze intimate. He was an intruder tumbling into a secret, or perhaps the heavy-booted wayfarer stumbling into the green peace of a nymph grove.

Another doujinshi cover:

Doujinshi

2006-11-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

After a few days of browsing Yahoo Japan auctions (thanks to Sincerity's link), it's no longer a surprise to find boyslove doujinshi (ok, so AllenxVan or DilandauxVan might work, but FolkenxVan is a bit disturbing, and DrydenxVan is stretch imo...), but today's search had a happy, marvelous surprise ->

According to the seller comments, they're by a circle named Nanoka, but I couldn't find any information about them in searches. Although the Escaflowne fanbook and actual copies of seiyuu scripts are also on YJA, this particular packet of doujinshi is more interesting. It's like what I like to draw, but better ._. I guess I'll keep an eye on its auction this week and see what price it gets up to.

I worked on ch5 some more this weekend, and now I want to keep the ch's original format. The second section with Cim will be long and complicated and full of hints, but I think it will work better if most of the explanations come in ch6 from Hitomi's pov.

Hmm, there hasn't been a "best sentence of the day" here for a long time.
Her look had reminded him of Housemother Sara’s expression whenever she asked his permission to commission new shirts for his already full closet—there wasn’t any other answer but acceptance.

Van and Allen

2006-10-30T23:57:00.000-08:00

In the course of everyday life, nothing's scarier than when the internet connection goes down. This weekend, though, thank goodness I had Okami (oh gosh this game is so gorgeous and so damned long) and Escaflowne dvds (up to ep23 screenshots now) to sustain me. While I was watching the series, I realized there were a few things I've missed from DS. Well, if you guys haven't called me out yet, I guess most ff readers won't, either, so I'll just keep quiet o_o;

Recently I've been quite bad and not working on ch5 ._. Instead, I've thought about the more romantic later chs, and also thought about Van and Allen's relationship. I guess they could have turned out like Allen and Dryden, if either Allen or Van were more outspoken and direct. Instead, they had an even more complex relationship than Hitomi and Millerna, Hitomi and Yukari, and Hitomi and Merle (sigh at Sagittarius women and their ability to attract men).

I think my favorite Van and Allen moment is in ep23: they are on Crusade, on their way to the airport in Rampant for war dispatch, and Allen tells Van he asked Hitomi to marry him. Allen's decision to tell Van and Van's response are both very characteristic of their relationship. I have some things planned for them in DS ;3

Also, I wanted to work a lot of guymelef fighting into DS, but there's only limited views at the moment. Remember when I said in a previous post about how the first Escaflowne-to-dragon transformation sealed my obsession to Van? Well, I give you the second time I almost cried (not "omg Van has the saddest kicked puppy eyes ever in ep20", but as in "omg touchdown from the 40 yard line"):

Japanese Continued

2006-10-26T05:41:00.001-07:00

To clear up my previous stabs at language, I IMed one of my Japanese friends, and he says the -ue construction is a lot more archaic than -sama. (Apparently -sama was used until around 1950s but -ue was like 1700s. I only know the bare bones about Japanese history so I can't confirm its validity, but it seems consistent with period dramas.)

Celena does call Allen "oniisama" in ep26, so I guess it's consistent in the series that the men use -ue and the women use -sama. Although, why exactly? @_@a Maybe to give the feeling of samurai spirit and old values to the guys, since they're warriors? (Dryden, the only aristocrat, only referred to his father as "my old man" and never addressed him in the series.)

And my friend says "senmon" is a noun and therefore only form compound nouns, so Hitomi would use "pro". Excellent. Fits in with my evil plan very well. Mwhahaha.

As for honorific titles and such, the formal stuff will fit. They used a lot of -dono as address in political relationships. Kings were referred by their country; Aston continually called Van by "King of Fanelia" or just "Fanelia". (The only "Van-sama" uttered outside of Van's people were Voris when he asked Van to retreat for Temple Fortana. Crusade crew called Van "ou-sama".)

But for personal relationship titles (e.g. -san), I am of Chocolatelova's opinion that I'd like to have Hitomi call Allen and Dryden by -san.

In fact, the only people Hitomi did not refer to deferentially were Merle (understandable since she's younger) and Van. Her relationship with him was clear during her summary narration at the beginning of every ep--she referred to Allen as "ano hito", but Van was always "aitsu". They both mean "that person", but "aitsu" is rude :P Maybe it's because he was such a jerk in ep1, she got the habit to call him a jerk back all the time. And of course, Van used "aitsu" with her, as well.

Here's Van being his jerk self:

That was a rather dry post, so here's a link to the thumbnail theatre, always funny to read. My favorite line is Folken's "Of course. THIS IS ANIME™, and you're a Japanese high school girl. There's no force in the universe which can resist you." So true.

Japanese

2006-10-25T02:53:00.000-07:00

In the filmbooks there was an interesting bit about when Hitomi offered to have Allen test her when he first refused her help in finding Van in ep4. I always thought Allen's particular look was surprise at her forwardness and persistence, as strongwilled women seemed scarce in the culturally uptight Asturia. But the filmbook says it's because Hitomi said "testo"--an English word taken into Japanese vocabulary, and one obviously foreign to Gaea.

So this would be perfect for some more communication confusion in DS (albeit with some notes at the end of the chs), except that I remember very little of the Japanese I learned ._. Well, actually, even if I did remember everything, my questions are pretty weird. Like, what's the difference in "haha-ue" and "okaasama"? They're both old honorific usage for "mother". But it's not a regional difference between countries, as Van and Allen (and Chid, I think) both say "haha-ue" while Millerna and Eries use "-sama". I suppose it could be gender. I'll have to rewatch the scene when Celena addresses Allen (ep24?).

Today's question: would Hitomi choose to use "pro" or "senmon" to say "professional" as an adj? I guess it depends on her vocabulary style @_@a

A Snob

2006-10-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

First, a couple of ch progress notes:

1) Separate 文官 and 武官 divisions is too complicated. Fanelia is a small country, and beyond the literary ranks shown in opposing Goau's marriage and the coronation magistrate and his assistants, the screenshots for Van's coronation, Goau's death, etc. were all of armored men. And given Fanelia's stress on martial attributes (rite of dragonslaying, Van's coronation armor, Escaflowne as kingdom heirloom), it's likely that the chief vassals are a large part in Fanelia's political structure, opposite from Asturia and its more modern divisions (their military minister is only one of several other members on the high council).

There are still literary roles, though. Belian is the master recordkeeper, but his function is really the director of admin operations :P Hmmm, I just thought of this, but it'd be really cool if Leal and Belian were twins.

2) Chocolatelova's comments about having more Van's views in ch5 made me think about how exactly he'd see it. Since he'd avoid looking at his own feelings, he'd probably project them instead as Hitomi's feelings, but still with sort of a selfish, egotistical focus on himself. He'd think on external circumstances (dangers, rumor, awkward meetings), until the actual meeting with Hitomi to make him realize that's actually not what she thinks. And it'd be the same for Hitomi in ch6, but to a lesser degree. She's obviously much better at empathy, but it had been 10 years of trying to live like a normal Japanese adult.

A little convulted: projection of a projection. I'll try ._. At least I've finally clarified what ch5 should be.

Not sure if I've mentioned this in an earlier post, but recently I've felt like such a snob.

One example is food. I love both cheap food and good food. I'd happily eat McDonalds cheeseburgers (the 39 cent Tuesdays were glorious) or spend $14 on a pair of sushi. What I dislike is mediocre food for $20 a plate at these glorified family-themed restaurants, served on lukewarm plates and everything made to please the general tastes. Snob, check.

And then these couple of months I've begun to experience the duality of writing that perhaps all starting writers feel. On one hand, I feel that someone who calls himself a writer by merely putting words to a page is like someone who calls himself a chef because he cooks. On the other hand, I agree with one writer book that "universal writing" effectively eliminates half the population because they can't read, and then a greater part because we strive to be "literature".

Did you know that most people think they're better than average? Obviously, it's hypocritical of me to be snobbish--after all, writing fanfiction as literature is already a joke.

Maybe I'm thinking about DS too seriously. I'll leave you, then, with a picture of Van, who always seems to impart an air of happy feelings (oh how my tolerance level with internet kids increase when I have some Van music videos in the background). This is my favorite "this is how I roll" expression:

Film Books

2006-10-20T01:41:00.001-07:00

The film books didn't really have information on the political structure of Fanelia. There are of course the chief vassals and generals, but the conductor of Van's coronation ceremony was labeled as a possible member of the "literature officials" or 文官 (a class of government opposite to the "martial officials" or 武官). The only other appearance of 文官 in the series was when they opposed Goau's marriage. I can't decide what role they should really play, beyond adminstrative functions. In China history, they were on an equal footing with the military heads, and both should be on the council.

Research and decisions on this makes me feel like Dryden in ep15:

I want to get film book 5 and 6, and today I saw the design record collection on Amazon.co.jp, but with the books and OSTs and my incoming Achewood zip hoody, I think I've spent enough this month for having no job ._. Oh, oh, there is also another Escaflowne treasure that's definately unattainable (it is listed infrequently on ebay for $199)--the Escaflowne fan book, a doujinshi from the designers. If anyone finds its scans, please let me know ; ; Here's a shot I've grabbed from the ebay listing.

Anyway, here are some interesting tidbits from the filmbooks:

Van's outfit in ep 1--the armor, sword, shield, and crossbow--are used in the traditional rite of drayingslaying. Nowadays Gaea uses guymelef and melef to fight dragons. The rite for succession is also usually undertaken by Fanelian adult males around age 20, but Van went earlier because there is no king on the throne.
The three swordsmasters of Gaea got their name in the past warring era, and are known for their superior strength that matches the power of a guymelef.
Allen is famous in Asturia, one of the reasons is his post at the remote border (Castelo) when the other Knights of Caeli are guarding key locations.
The roasted insects in ep8 are valued in Fanelia as one of the ultimate food for fighting in the wilderness. When cooked, they taste like shrimp.
The wings of draconians are a creation of the power of their thoughts. Feathers from Van's wings cannot normally be seen, but Hitomi unconciously channeled her power to see them.
The destruction of Atlantis led to the last ice age. (haha)
Allen's sword is a gift from Balgus, named Dragon's Fang, 竜の牙.
The big tree on top of Atlantis was a vision created by Van.

Progress Update 9

2006-10-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

Bless Chocolatelova and her comments. It's so great to have someone who knows what I want to say (and get all my Escaflowne bits of trivia ;3) and let me know what's wrong with it. And she tears it apart so well ^^

The summary problems for ch5:

1. Characters. Half the ch was written in Leal's perspective; we get to see Belian (the master recordkeeper) and Cim (Basram's chief diplomat); meet Mu, Loet, and Kuon (the other 3 chief vassals); and mention the prophet Critias and Basram's president Crion. Cim needs to be more clearly defined, and the prophet should be estalished as a clear threat and mystery.
2. Vague allusions. Hiding too many things makes the plot and tension cloudy.
3. Establishment of Hitomi's importance to Fanelia.
4. Van's thoughts about Hitomi's new life.
5. Second part of ch5 is quite different from the first section. Will split up into 2 different chs. The transitional ch I had planned would merge quite well with the second part into a new ch6.

I don't know why I sometimes reply to reviews with projected time for the next ch, as I never post on time ._.;

Blog & Website

2006-10-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

After talking with Chocolatelova about hew new blog design and looking at Sasha's site, I got infected with the redesign bug. I edited the original code from Blogger, placement design from Blogskins, and used my ch3 drawing. The star brush is awesome if anyone has Photoshop. This new look still needs more work--the image is a huge download, there are mismatched seams, the side bar should be darker--but I'm tired for the night ._,

Right now, my only ideas for an Escaflowne website are:
1. uncommon screenshots, scans
2. DS, Dragon stories, drawings
3. character analyses that rival college dissertations

So it's pretty much horrible site content so far ; ; We'll see if I can come up with something better.

edit: I've thrown some stuff together, will expand over next few days.
edit2: I, of course, promptly lied and spent 6 hours on jomiel.com, mostly on edits for drawings and comments.

Progress Update 8

2006-10-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

As usual, I've been thinking about some things at the same time and nothing comes to fruition quickly. (Also unrelated to DS: I got a new game, cooked more often, and have an exam for tomorrow.)
1. revisions on ch5--this is taking forever. Really need to just sit down one night and stop thinking about other chs.
2. planning transitional ch between ch5 and original ch6
3. tempted to make new blog design. Fooled around a bit with them.
4. changing plot a bit for more tension and excitement

Oh, exciting news: I've just received my batch of OSTs and the first 4 film books from Klet. (She has an awesome cel collection on Escaflowne.) There's a little line of notes on each page and a whole section of designs in the back. I might look into getting the last 2 books after I'm done wafting through these. Good thing I read Chinese and know enough Japanese like a 3rd grader :P The only annoyance with the books is the writing style--every line attempts to be exciting. Oh well, it's a fault with all film books, I guess.

The drawings on Escaflowne is just fantastic. Maybe I'll see if the school has a scanner I can use, and post some Van pictures ;3

Another idea I had today was to make an Escaflowne website. Maybe with uncommon screenshots or my character analysis. I'm not sure yet if this is a good idea ._. I really love Escaflowne Compendium and Lizzard.net for their fantastic compilations on Escaflowne information found nowhere else, and it just seems like to make a site different from any other Escaflowne fan sites would require a wealth of special content.

Birthdays

2006-10-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

Aww, too bad we just missed Van's birthday in DS (Day of Planting was white, 15th moon). That would have been fun :P

Anyway, today I was looking at my timeline again, and planning out more festivals and events. And I made a little birthday chart based on info from Escaflowne Compedium. With Japanese fascination with horoscopes, I thought the birthdays gave a pretty good summary of the characters:
* Van - white, 12th moon (Apr 12) - Aries
* Hitomi - Dec 9 - Sagittarius
* Folken - purple, 17th moon (Feb 17) - Aquarius
* Dryden - yellow, 25th moon (May 25) - Gemini
* Allen - blue, 3rd moon (Nov 3) - Scorpio
* Millerna - green, 24th moon (Apr 24) - Taurus
* Celena - red, 8th moon (Aug 8) - Leo
* Merle - orange, 30th moon (Jun 30) - Cancer

But I still can't figure out how their months work ; ; Lunar Chinese and Japanese calendars have 12 months, so Gaea calendar should be similar. But, both white and green are listed as April, and assuming the events are listed in chronological order, white>green conflicts with green>blue>white. Grr.

Maybe I shouldn't assume they are in chronological order. Then I can fill in the other half of the calendar:

1 - sepia
2 - purple
3 - ochre
4 - white, green
5 - yellow
6 - orange
7 - silver
8 - red
9 - vermillion
10 - gold
11 - blue
12 - indigo

It should be pretty obvious which ones I made up. It's hard when I can't use any normal Earth things, like lavender and coral.

Van's Allure

2006-10-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight Danya watched ep9-20 with me (we did 1-8 before). She's one of my few friends here in the city, and my obsessive tendencies toward Escaflowne finally worked its insidious ways into us spending the whole evening over wine and fried chicken (mmm Popeyes) in front of the tv.

She thought it was actually cool to have the main girl character and the main guy character not be romantically involved with each other. Danya was bemoaning my romantic tendencies when she found out DS was V+H instead of adventure or other themes. Well, she hasn't finished the series yet, and she favors the unconventional more than my overly-girly ways (one of her friends call me "little lady" >x<; I used to be such a tomboy!), so that's part of the reason. The other part is that she considers Van to be always reacting towards something, instead of starting based on his own thoughts (which is very true, in some ways). Danya also thought Allen has a more interesting personality.

This made me think about why I like Van so much. Beyond his pretty boy bishounin ways, I think it comes down to Van trying to handle responsbilities, but ultimately still a young awkward boy in relationships--the allure of being an enigma between adulthood and boyish ways. And he's good, but not too good. He's closer in allure to Dryden than to Allen or Folken.

For DS progress, I've been changing the first part of ch5 from Chocolatelova's comments. I had been so focused on getting the horse exam completely right from a clinical perspective that it lost its narration power ; ; I've also been thinking again about what war should mean to Van. In ep17 Van seems to accept Balgus's reasons for fighting--to shoulder its burdens and its sorrows. But despite taking its pains in, he must still want to avoid another war, to avoid its costs upon Fanelia. Ugh, Van always says so little, it's hard work getting into his head >:(

Tarot

2006-10-05T02:02:00.000-07:00

I broken down and bought a set of Merlin tarot cards. Today I decided to try it out, to see what the fates hold for my DS project. Dun dun dun~

And it's really creepy! =o=;
Celtic Cross spread for 10 cards. I'll only list the qualities for the upright cards. (Inverted cards are supposed to mean early stages, losing their power, blocked/restricted, incomplete/denied, inappropriate, or only present in appearance.)

inverted Justice - responsibility, decision, cause/effect
inverted 8 fish/cups - deeper meaning, moving on, weariness
inverted 3 fish/cups - exuberance, friendship, community
inverted Star - hpe, inspiration, generosity, serenity
inverted Lovers - relationship, sexuality, beliefs, values
inverted king fish/cups - wise, calm, diplomatic, caring, tolerant
inverted 5 fish - loss, bereavement, regret
inverted knight beast/pentacle - unwavering...stubborn, cautious...unadventurous, thorough...obsessive
inverted 9 beast/pentacle - discipline, self-reliance, refinement
knight serpent/wands - charming...superficial, daring...foolhardy, adventurous...restless, passionate...hot-tempered

Alright, so according to the cards:

core situation, 1 & 2 - my decisions were incomplete, and thus the story's deeper meaning is unclear and making it hard to write.
levels of consciousness, 3 & 5 - even though I've tried to build ties, the relationships are not working.
time, 4 & 6 - my inspiration is flagging, and getting a little anxious.
self and other, 7 & 8 - I shouldn't think of regrets, and should be more adventurous to other ideas.
future, 5 & 10 - complete the romance, but beware of common traps.
hopes/fears/guidance, 9 - needs more work on DS

Seriously, isn't it scary? The other spooky thing is that I draw a lot more fish/cups cards, which stand for emotions and relationships.

/runs off to bed to hide with my pillows

And what better screenshot to accompany today's post than:

Wings and Swords

2006-10-03T21:04:00.000-07:00

One thing I never quite understood was why Van stood around waiting for Hitomi to see his wings at the end of ep8. He was so embarrassed and nervous to make sure she would accept them. Chocolatelova and I talked about this a few times, but it's just so mindbloggling to figure out why exactly he was standing there all the way into the night until Hitomi could wake up to see him. (Was a reflection of his emotional state? Did he think Hitomi would accept them and thus wanted to take the chance? Did he wanted to see if she would act like a damsel in distress and kiss him in gratitude?)

Our decisive conclusion so far is that he looks great with his wings against the starry sky.

Without spoiling anything, I can only say that Van's wings will appear again in DS ;3 It will be quite different from other fanfics' manifestations of his wings. And so exciting.

Anyway, in doing my quest to screencap almost everything of note in the series (finished ep8 today), I finally figured out where Van keeps his dagger (in his left boot, but I won't be correcting DS ch4 because it's already posted) and how his sword hangs. It's linked with one ring on the scabbard, then that locks on to 2 rings on both sides of his belt. Both the belt ring and the scabbard ring have release, making it possible to take off the sword with and without the belt.

Like this:

I don't know why Fanelia's royal sword has a ring on the end of the handle though. That's so cheap to me -_- Although, since the crest is on the inside, maybe the whole point to the sword is to make its kingly identity quiet.

The other thing confusing about swords--why do their swords make sound when they are just readjusting their hold or their position? That doesn't seem to make sense. There shouldn't be any parts to make the sound.

Tension

2006-10-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

I now have a bit more idea about what I want ch6 to do. Well, not that I didn't know what would happen, but its general feeling and focus. Last week we read "Labor Day Dinner" by Alice Munro, and interestingly, the story didn't have any specific events happen really, but there was so much glimpses into character and tension that the story pressed smoothly on to the unforgettable ending. One amateur example is a good on-going fanfic I read last week--Bad Dreams. The trade agreement meeting has underlying currents of factions and motives.

So since ch6 is a starting place to gather for the next movement, and we have so many characters come together, I think it would be appropriate to play out the different levels of tension layered on each other. I drew out many today, but the real challenge will be to write backstories for these, and to identify each person's emotions on it.

The other thought today is on Van and Allen's relationship. They seem to dislike each other intensely at the beginning, but that changed in ep4 when Allen said the "never throw away your life rashly" speech, and then when Van flew Escaflowne to draw off Dilandau's group--that was the turning point of their relationship. Afterward, it didn't seemed to be muddled anymore, even when they were in the delicate 3-way balance about Hitomi. I'm going to be having fun with this, I think. It's so amusing to fool with their emotions.

In celebration in rewatching the series for probably the 12th time, here's the scene that decided my fate obsessing over Van:

Voices

2006-09-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

I added some more to Leal's section in ch5, since I wanted to show how important this meeting is, and set up some things for later. Sadly, I don't know how to fit in the answers to Jossi's question about how Fanelia perceives Hitomi. Upon further thought, I don't think it would be right for Leal to give the explanations, since he only just met Hitomi, and everything he sees between Van and Hitomi would only be observations and guesses.

It's been pretty fun to try to create different character voices, although I still have a long way to go to make them distinctive. I've been refining the voice for Leal. I think my previous post about "she was like a sunflower in the midst of a lavender field" is a strange remark for a military man in such a country as Fanelia, so now it's "a sunflower in the midst of a field of wheat". Now it's more possible. Maybe :P To totally immerse into sentence construction, word choice, different focus, and narrative style for character image has proved very difficult. I think that's why I love Flowers for Algernon so much.

As for Cim, I decided to make him stay true to humble arrogance, a shadow of Mr. Collins in Pride and Prejudice. I need to think up more misused adjectives for him.

Revisions

2006-09-27T00:41:00.000-07:00

I tweak nearly everyday I write. It may be a word choice there, taking out an extraneous "the", or something else equally small. Sometimes I insert things for clarification or change sentences around. But almost always, it's addition, not subtraction. It's extremely difficult to delete something. After I write, it's like the words take on life and I can't bear to snuff it out. I know this is silly--words are just words if they have no power--but I didn't really think about this very hard until recently.

It's like The Lord of the Rings or The Mysteries of Udolpho--they are such great works of genius, but yet there are certain passages that move so slowly that sometimes I start to resent the wondrous landscapes for its trees and windblown moors.

And if critics complain about these works, wouldn't it be even worse for me to ignore these feelings?

In conjunction with this, I've been trying this week to reconcile the new and the old storylines. Some scenes will have no place, but I need to finish the join soon. Ch6's events depend on it.

Today's sentence:
The way she stood, the way her hand moved when she brushed hair out of her eyes, the way she seemed to look at everything to remember it for later—she was like a sunflower in the midst of a lavender field.

Missing Things

2006-09-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

I wonder if Gaea's horses look funny because they're supposed to be wild horses? It'd certainly make for an interesting fact as Hitomi carry on with Melidoul's care.

Finished with ch5, letting it sit for now. There's actually lots of dialogue--relatively.

From a long talk with Sapphirefly yesterday, we identified some key things DS is missing: faster pacing, shorter sentences, more satisfying romance, dialogue, action, deeper sense of mystery.

Although it is still early to say "definitely this is it!", it seems ch3 confused and turned off some people, because reads for ch4 are only half of previous chs' views. I think the main problem was how long it took me to set up the romance situation exactly right, and the first few chapters were very indulgent on character self-reflections, which shouldn't belong in the typical rapid pace of the beginning. Starting from ch5, we start into the real plot, and that should help the feeling of pacing.

Ah well, we'll see. DS is really an experiment and an experience for me. It's too hard to expect the principles of craft and talent at this stage. I can only say, yes, I'll try that.

Yesterday I used some bad adjectives and multiple negatives in ch5 for effect. It's always a risk, though, to take such a course. I wonder if the trade-off is worth it, or if it wouldn't be noticeable to readers beyond the feeling of storytelling degeneration. But anyway, here's one I quite enjoyed:
Belian snorted. "Goau turned out just fine. And a man who never remarried is hardly less guilty than me."

Progress Update 7

2006-09-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

The diplomat scene ended up all right, to my relief. I don't think Van speaks formally as "we", but I'll need to rewatch some scenes to make sure.

Now just two more little scenes, and I'll be done with the first draft of ch5. Whew! A lot happens in this chapter. My chapters keep getting longer and longer ._, It's already almost as long as ch4... But I guess the important thing isn't really how long it is, but what happens within the chapter, and that was a failure of ch3, despite how much I liked it.

So far Cim seems too much like a stereotype. I must not have enough background on him beyond the role he's supposed to play. I'm also introducing the characater of Leal, the chief vassal, and Belian, the master recordkeeper, in more detail. I want to make them seem like old men and Van's surrogate fathers at the same time, but I fear sometimes I step into the territory of the nagging mother ; ; I'll have to finish the ch and get Chocolatelova and Pennylain to look at it, I guess.

Today's sentence is dialogue:
Belian’s blue eyes twinkled. "Oh, I don't think he'd be so stubborn as to not see its advantages."

Thoughts After

2006-09-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

All right, I've calmed down ;X My last post was quite emotional and self-righteous, but after some talks with Sapphirefly and thinking about what I had tried to avoid seeing, I have only myself to blame for my thoughts. But it's better to find out the reasons why I was frustrated, and it's absolutely fantastic to have some readers who understand what I'm trying to do with DS. I will work harder to make things clearer for the rest, but won't compromise the content.

In the second part of ch5, Van and his chief vassals meet the diplomat from Basram, and the scene is supposed to have a particular nuance, each person with deeper thoughts than he'd reveal in speech. But it's so hard to write Van as I imagined he'd be. And it's so intimidating, because when I'm writing the scene, I imagine Van standing at my shoulder and rolling his eyes at all the stupid things in his dialogue >_< Maybe I'll skip that part for now, and finish the ending first.

Yesterday's sentence:
Sometimes Leal felt his well-intended comments were more like nagging from a surrogate father instead of light recommendations from a subject, and he often thought of Balgus and how he had managed to raise this boy-king.

Frustration

2006-09-22T01:42:00.000-07:00

I'm a little frustrated, and I know it's entirely all my fault. It's so boring to hear whining, but since this is a blog about my experience with DS, I should probably include everything, even the boring and less glamorous parts.

My more intimate friends know I'm an absolute nut when it comes to my obsessions. If I read a really good book or watch a good anime series, I would buried in my own world, getting up only for sustenance and bathroom breaks, and avoid bedtime as long as I could manage (I read The Lord of the Rings in 3 days, and watched Escaflowne in one sitting several times. They're not achievements I'm proud of!--but here for illustration ._.).

Yes, I'm very strange. In other things I'm really very laid back, so please don't think I'm certifiably insane or step on little animals (only the tiny ones).

Naturally, this obsessive behavior comes through in my feelings about Escaflowne, and my feelings about what I'm trying to do with Deeper than the Sky. I know I'm a total snob on several points, but we should all have standards and goals, eh?

1. Prose. I try not to delude myself with grandiose thoughts of literature, but I wanted to achieve a different kind of fanfiction writing. I want to test myself to see how far I can go.

2. Adherence to Escaflowne. I've spent a lot of time making screenshots of every little thing in each ep, so when I write about the audience chamber, I pull that picture up, and think about what else is in the room. I've made timelines and charts from info in Escaflowne Compendium, and thought a great deal about details. And I've done this because I everything to be as if we're there. I want to make sure I've totally understood the characters. Still a struggle everyday.

3. Relationships. So far, DS is planned for 21 chapters (I have some scattered notes I haven't incorported into my main notes, so it might change). I want to see V+H together in a satisfying, believable manner. No falling into each other's arms after long separation. No rushing into kissing. No rushing into marriage. Because most relationships take a long time to grow, and takes more work to foster. "Deeper than the sky" goes through several meanings in the story, and that's why it will take me 21 chapters to get there.

And I think this is why I'm frustrated. I want to achieve these three points, and yet I feel most readers care very little about them. I could end their courting in two chapers, but then where's the enjoyment? Where's the desire for subtlety? Where's the satisfaction of a happy ending if there weren't any conflicts in the process? Shouldn't it matter to have complex characters on top of romance?

Maybe I'm just tired.

Hitomi's Reception

2006-09-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

I love wikipedia and Google searches, but I hope what I've done with Melidoul's exam is all right. I don't have a vet friend to consult ;x

Jossi's comments on the blog and on her review for DS made me think that I had failed to represent how Fanelia sees Hitomi now, and that I need more info on Van's side of things. Hmm, it would fit rather well into Leal's section in ch5, so thanks, Jossi <3

I already covered Van's section yesterday, so let's talk about Hitomi's reception in Fanelia.

Beside the now-trite reason of 10 years, I feel Hitomi's and Van's actions on the Fate Alternation Machine is known only to their group of friends. There would be rumors, of course, especially about the green light and Van's flight to Zaibach interpreted as a flying white dragon. But most people, even in Zaibach, shouldn't know at about the machine or about Dornkirk's true identity. Basram's energist bomb and Van's fight in Escaflowne would make much more impression on the general population more than anything else, because all people really care is their old lives back.

Fanelia's people were exiled from the capital, but the surrounding countryside and countries like Asturia should have sheltered them. Zaibach borders are a long way from Fanelia, and from what Millerna said about visiting Fanelia when Folken was still there, people in Gaea probably don't typically travel much beyond their country's borders. Thus, everything Fanelia heard about the Gaea War would be secondhand, and distant and distorted rumors, at that.

Most people in Fanelia probably didn't even know what Hitomi looked like. Van's coronation must have been soon after his return, and when the war was over, she didn't seem to stay very long.

Today's sentence is from slim pickings ; ; Ch5 has a lot of potential spoilers.
Nothing could summarize the ruthless destruction of the Gaea War better than Basram’s energist bomb, and although it curtailed Zaibach’s large armies and led to the triumph of the Alliance, its moral and political implications still threatened to topple the society and men that had created it.

Marriage

2006-09-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

Still haven't made decisions on ch4 (I'm so bad), but I've decided to save the little encounter between Van and Hitomi for a later ch. It just doesn't make sense for Van to ask those questions so soon (not that question :P), and I'm impatient to start the real story arc beyond the romance set-up. I'm now doing research for the second part of ch5, and wondering if I've put myself in over my head with Melidoul's exam and diagnosis.

But today I was thinking about the first part of ch5 again, and I realized it's time I answer why Van is still unmarried (beyond the fact that I'd totally hate him forever if he didn't marry Hitomi). Some rambling as I try to reach my response:

I've set the "coming of age" for Fanelia at 15, since that's when Folken and Van did the rite of dragonslaying for their coronation, and also the age that pre-Meiji Japan considered the transition to adulthood. But Goau didn't marry until 30. I can't decide if his marriage was horribly irregular beyond Varie's race.

I've also made up some Fanelian laws based on my idea of an agricultural and militaristic society, extrapolated from my knowledge of old Chinese and Japanese culture, to make a highly patriarchal society with stratified status. A woman's life is dictated by men her whole life--her father when she is young, her husband after marriage, and her sons after her husband dies. Not really to that extent, but enough emphasis on the male order that women play typical roles of wife and mother, and accept men's decision should theirs conflict. This culture is necessary to highlight how unusual Van is, and probably sounds horrible for ff readers, but really, it's fairly typical in an old-fashioned family in Taiwan and Japan even now.

And why hasn't Van married yet? It couldn't be his duty--his duty dictates marriage. If he hadn't a chance to meet a suitable wife, he must have options. He could be like Europe, and send emissionaries to other countries. Or be like China, and send agents to comb Fanelia to bring the most beautiful and talented girls back to pick among them.

Beyond marriage, there's also an ugly question: as long as there is undisputed rule that would keep the country together, who cares if the heir is a bastard?

Of course, Van is really a romantic at heart. He must know he has those options, but decide not to take them. But why shouldn't he? They were young, and their relationship really hasn't progressed beyond the initial "I now understand I like you" phase. The word "love" is even too strong to describe their past relationship (damn you, translators, "tsuki desu" != "aishiteru"). That was the whole point of how I chose how V+H met again. It'd be totally unrealistic to have them fall into each other's arms.

Maybe the easiest way is the most possible way--he just doesn't think about it, until he meets the girl, and then it happens.

Progress Update 6

2006-09-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm done with first part of ch5, but stuck on the rest because I'm wavering between V's or H's point of view for the second scene. I'll most likely choose Hitomi. After events in ch4, it'd be more interesting to see how she responds to Van and everyone else. V's POV seems to come more naturally when he's alone. I'm not sure if that's because of his character's tendency to hide thoughts until it needs to be said, or if it's much harder for me to understand his mind when he's interacting with others?

This time I dragged another online friend into reviewing ch4 for me ;3 Thanks, Chocolatelova and Pennylain!

I'm trying to finish final edits on the ch so I can post soon, but I have to make two decisions:

1. The ceremony for Day of Planting is during sunset, because I wanted to set its festival and the ch ending at night. But since the festival is constructed from rice farming schedule, it seems strange in hindsight to build it around sunset, instead of sunrise or midday. In VOE, both Van's coronation and Millerna's wedding were during the day, perhaps early afternoon?

2. Van tells a story about the beginning of Fanelia, and the mood becomes close to a history lesson that I make Merle interrupt with a little joke. Chocolatelova points out that Merle is sassy but probably wouldn't make such a statement on a reverent subject. Maybe it's the storytelling style I gave Van that seems so rigid.

Yesterday's sentence:
The men sang softly now, their timbre like whispers of wind and spoke of echoes in the earth.

Backwards

2006-09-14T09:19:00.000-07:00

I couldn't think of a good way to start the middle of ch4, so instead, I wrote the last 2 paragraphs, then did 4 paragraphs before that, then 4 paragraphs before that, and pretty soon I had written my way to the middle. That was a serendipitous try.

Going to let ch4 sit for a while and wait for Chocolatelova's comments this weekend. Today I was pretty good about sitting in front of my computer writing instead of goofing off, so I have almost Van's part in ch5 complete.

Today's sentence:
It had a simple cut, slightly austere with its standing collar, but the golden embroidery at cuffs and throat was heightened by the dark wool, and a jeweled brass crest of a flying dragon on a field of crimson was pinned to its left breast.

It's way overdue for another Van picture. I think this is from ep17:

Feedback on The Gourmand

2006-09-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

1) Today was my workshop day in class, and my hands only stopped shaking when everything was done. I'm not sure why I was so nervous--fear of what I might hear, perhaps. They liked the story and it made them very hungry, and I was really happy to hear that. They wanted more interaction between the narrator and Elise, and more background relationship between them, and more conflict between food and love, because the story now seems more like an anecdote instead of a story with complex layers and character conflict.

I was only frustrated at some people's edits, because when I change sound and rhythm by editing out "the"s and other words, I get protective of sentence structures and words. "Hideously large truck" has a purpose, different from "large" or "huge" or "a monstrosity of a truck". But then, I wonder if other people also feel the same when I edit their sentences?

It's so sad, though, to see English majors commit the same spelling and grammar mistakes as others, and other writing issues like the avoidance of commas. Are commas really that scary?

2) Back to DS. I'm now done with the first part of ch4, but unsure how I'd like to do the second part. I have the whole legend of Zoah, but I don't yet know what's the best way to present it. I want to leave some bits out, so that Hitomi can find the missing pieces later, and also give Van selective storytelling, as if he's hesistant to tell all or he wants to skirt certain topics.

3) Sapphirefly said my sentence drags and would be more effective if it's shorter. She's so right, and the new shorter sentences bring each period into prominence:
“On this day, Year of the Crystal East, White, 20th Moon, we hereby ask your blessing on this Day of Planting. May our fields be laden with gold from your gift of rain and our storehouses be filled from your body earth. May our young grow up strong in your image and our old lay to rest in your peace. May our king lead our beloved Fanelia to prosperity with your voice and deliver justice with your wisdom. This we ask, on this Day of Planting.”

Day of Planting

2006-09-12T03:51:00.000-07:00

Ch4 takes place on the Day of Planting, a festival in April time, and yesterday I was writing the ceremony from weeks worth of notes. But I actually haven't written the actual dedication beforehand, and as I wrote more and more about the scene, I find myself grasping in memory for Bible imagery and sentence structure.

And this is what I came up with so far:
"On this day, Year of the Crystal East, White, 20th Moon, we hereby ask your blessing on this Day of Planting, that our fields may be laden with gold from your gift of rain and our storehouses be filled from your body earth, that our young grow up strong in your image and our old lay to rest in your peace, that our king lead our beloved Fanelia to prosperity with your voice and deliver justice with your wisdom. This we ask, on this Day of Planting."

I omitted the usage of thee, thou, thine, because I suck at it, and Bible prose is really more than just using those vocabulary. Still needs more work, though, to even come close to calling my sentence modeled after its prose.

The Gourmand in Love

2006-09-11T02:09:00.000-07:00

1) Because I've been bad at posting, today I'll give two sentences:

His lacquered armor with its Fanelian crest at the chest shimmered with the sheen of past campaigns and long years of service.

Wood smoke and food aromas were layered on top of the smell of people, the smell of excitement.

I'm halfway done with the first part of ch4. I write slow and really need to devote more time to writing.

2) I wrote a light short story for my class this past week:

The Gourmand in Love

I was fighting to drive my way home in the late summer torrent when another wave of longing came upon me. Only two miles left to go. I think I just spoke out loud. Hunger had befuddled me. I vowed never to be on an empty stomach again.

Earlier this morning, my fiancée had hinted at the possibility of roast duck and potato gratin for our anniversary night, and so I proportioned my intake all day in anticipation for the feast, to prepare for the hot and crispy goodness waiting in the oven. Alas, I had miscalculated. The feeling of hunger upon my body and soul only lengthened and strengthened as the afternoon ticked by, and I began to think more and more about the comforting food I had eaten in my grandma’s kitchen, the best tomato and basil soup I had ever tasted, the marvelous multi-course crab dinner in Hokkaido, the perfect ripe Camembert.

The best sushi I ever had was at Tsukiji, the world’s largest fish market. I had taken an early train, intending to observe fish traders taste and bid (with store names in large yellow letters on their baseball caps) on bluefin tunas, but when I got there, the few scattered fishermen wholesalers were bundling up their remaining fish into crates and tubs for warehouse stalls. Only the public open market was left, and I looked on the 450 varieties of fish and seafood (there were stalls dedicated to seaweed and tofu in their different manifestations, too, and the occasional vegetable and meat stands) with disappointment until I spotted a sushi shop. In truth, there are many sushi stores and other restaurants in the alleyways of the market, but at that particular moment, jostled by housewives and grandmothers shopping for their evening meal, lured by shouts from the honest proprietor of every stand that his had the best fish and the day’s specials, and fish everywhere I look, this small shop seemed like a rock in the midst of an angry sea.

The chef owner behind the balsa wood counter was engaged in a conversation with two fishermen on the day’s prices, but shouted at me to please sit down and have a cup of tea. I glanced at the board behind him and ordered the chef special, then squeezed myself into a rickety stool between a couple of salarymen, one in a charcoal suit, one in navy. We started with a tsukemono of octopus, pickled wakame seaweed, sliced okra, and sesame seeds, and then as he finished each pair of nigiri, he placed them bare on the counter—no middleman tray to interfere with the simple, straightforward transaction between chef and customer. The selection was fresh and at its peak, and the succession was each distinct from the last: tuna, escolar, sea bass, scallop, eel, shrimp, salmon roe, yellowtail, and fatty tuna. The glory of them was escolar—not as sweet as the scallop, not as rich as the o-toro, not as overwhelming as the ikari, but delicate, with a translucent pure taste of the sea.

I had walked out of the restaurant and returned to my hotel room in a daze, and although we must have spent the rest of the day touring temples, I retained no memory but the photographs we developed a month later in the States. The escolar had been perfect, and now I recognize that the perfection went beyond the fresh fish—it was the skill of the chef, each rice grain infused with the aroma of mirin, sugar, and rice vinegar, and lightly molded into the underside of the fish so that the rice held together when I picked it up in my clumsy hands but separated in my mouth to mingle with the taste of fish and wasabi.

My usual parking spot was taken by a hideously large truck, and I was forced to park farther than I cared to dash from the car to the apartment awning. My jacket was soaked through and my hair matted into a dark mess, but I propelled myself towards the apartment, slightly dizzy with hunger. I jingled my keys excitedly as I opened the door, prepared to be immersed into warmth and the delicious smell of duck.

The whole apartment was full of the smell of burnt duck, and a haze of smoke stung my eyes. Elise looked up from the disaster she held in her mittened hands, full of tears and ready to cry again. I hugged her and led her to the dinner table, tipped the duck into the trash bag where it landed with a muted thump, and cracked open the window. I brought out white china and opened a bottle of pinot noir.

She laughed when I brought out our dinner: a platter of Oreo cookies. They’re perfect circles, the cool creamy center sandwiched by dry dark crumbs, and the perfect food for listening to the patter of rain at the window and toasting our good fortune in finding each other.

Writing Exercise

2006-08-31T00:08:00.000-07:00

So this semester I've started a selfish class in addition to my other ones, creative writing fiction, and today's exercise was very interesting. We were supposed to use only dialogue and character expression to convey a scene between two characters bearing a dead horse (haha), and here's my try (sorry, can't put in tabs):

"Now what are we doing to do?"
"You take the front legs and I'll take the back ones."
"It's too hard, Amis, the head is in the way."
"Try harder."
"There's no grip for leverage."
Amis sighed, short but full of long-suffering. "All right, we can change positions, Lymus."
They grunted with effort, each try as unsuccessful as the last.
"It's too heavy," Lymus whined, doubled over.
Amis panted as he looked around the clearing, "If we have rope and a long stick we can carry him easier."
"That sounds good."
"But we'll also have to keep a watch on him, in case the farmers and their dogs come back. How about you look for the rope and the stick first, and I'll whistle at you if anyone comes by the road?"
Lymus grumbled and drew little circles in the dirt with the tip of his boots, but went.

Maybe I'll look for a book of writing exercises. I had scoffed at them before, thinking that my time as a starting writer would be to just write write write, but it's fun to write something whimsical and naughty.

Layout

2006-08-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

Mapping out the lay of the city (the positions of the castle, the shrine, the castle park, the sacred woods) made continued work on ch4 easier, even though I haven't completely planned out how everything will look. I also drew Van's rooms and his study, as they're other scenes in the first part of DS. It's pretty hard to plan room layout as how Van would arrange things. Fanelia seems to be pretty sparse on details and more about functionality, and I'm not exactly aquainted with bachelorpads, lol.

Long sentences are hard to write:
That made Hitomi uneasy about past rumors and what Van had told his staff of her intruded stay in Fanelia, and she tried to keep her head high and to not think about what this man might have heard of her as she followed his broad back through the crowd.

Progress Update 5

2006-08-28T00:39:00.000-07:00

Slightly disorientated from late hour and wine and reading about food (I've been salivating over an essay on choucroute garnie à l'Alsacienne) tonight; sorry for rambling:

I haven't tried any storytelling on paper yet, but did do a good amount of brainstorming during commutes. I'm now having trouble remembering all the details ; ; The act of compiling all my notes into Google Notebook seems a daunting task. I'm horribly lazy and naturally procrastinates, so I really must take care to keep going and do a little bit each day--and I thought that continuing to post my progress here will keep me on task, so thank you to you lovely girls who keep me motivated and speak sense into me.

I rewrote the beginning of ch4 but there wasn't really any outstanding sentences. Maybe when we get to the festival.

Behind Deadline

2006-08-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

I've been very bad this month and haven't written any real substance for DS. As I shifted through ch4 and broke away the outdated parts and separated scenes for future chapters, I realized ch4 now only has 2 paragraphs.

Oops. Oh well, too late to regret publishing my supposed buffer chapter. I better stop further tinkering with the plot and write something again.

Maybe I should try writing instead of typing, as a change to spice things up a little. I seem to brainstorm better on paper. Perhaps it's the physical act of putting words down. Drawing links between different characters, asking side qusetions that develop into long answers, filling out emotions of the scene--these all seem to be easier in active process. I wonder if it will do the same with storytelling?

Posted Ch3

2006-08-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm back from vacation~

This week I've been reading The Plot Thickens and A Dash of Style, and realized some errors and made some more character and plot adjustments. I wrote down lots of notes for new layers, and tonight as I got off my flight I decided I've delayed long enough in posting ch3. So it and its drawing are now up.

Oh, I had promised a Van picture to celebrate my freedom--this picture makes me smile:

Progress Update 4

2006-08-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry that I've been neglecting the blog this week. Please don't think that I've forgotten about you or about the project.

Perhaps an explanation of what's been going on is in order: I've been very busy with work as I'm in my last days getting ready to leave--work continues to pile on while I train my replacements, prepare as much neat packages as I can make for them, and finish the things unreasonable for them to inherit. The saddest thing is--I've been taking on extra work, because I know when I leave, it's difficult for anyone else to do it. So even with my departure a week away, many days are uphill battles, and when I come home I'd either do mindless things or go to bed.

But the DS project still continues. I've planned out much of the additional plot, and I'm really excited about it, because it delves into a lot of Escaflowne backstory that I love to think and write about.

It's just that this week, I'd open my working DS document, take one look at the white page with its blinking cursor, and close it back up. I'm not sure why it's so hard to keep staring at that page, to force myself to type something--anything.

Just...so very tired, I guess. But everything will come to an end Friday, and we'll celebrate with another exciting Van picture.

Plotline

2006-07-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

I've realized my original plan to use politics as the main story plotline is a terrible idea, since government and history are really my worst subjects. Even Sapphirefly's help would not be able to redeem my inadequacy. So these past few days I've been researching into a more complex plot.

It's interesting to find little details in the series, and find their real-life correspondences. From Wikipedia's Atlantis entry: "Famed psychic Edgar Cayce...proposed that Atlantis was an ancient, now-submerged, highly-evolved civilization which had ships and aircraft powered by a mysterious form of energy crystal."

The new and old plots are now falling together into place, but there are room for more associations between each little story. I want to bring back minor characters and Alliance countries. Now that I've got the story direction once more, I can start working on ch4 again. Its festival will be exciting ;3

Posted Ch2

2006-07-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

A few scattered items today:

1) Published ch2 tonight after finding no direct problem spots to work out. I just couldn't figure out what else I can do with the ch, wahh ; ; Ah well, stumbling around is all part of the experience. I just hope the ch itself seems complete enough.

2) Reviews vs. hits for DS and The Dragon are so far about 1:10 and 1:40. I think the difference is because DS is a long story to span many chs, since reviews are mainly from interested readers cheering on the next ch installation. Regardless, all kinds of reviews are wonderful and make me feel fuzzy.

3) Thinking about doing another one-shot for Escaflowne, but haven't decided on which scene to illustrate. Maybe I can just work it into the DS storyline.

4) I've found the most fantastic screenshot to illustrate the meaning of "Deeper than the Sky". Of course, it's Van, and he goes perfectly with the blog color scheme.

Stuck

2006-07-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

I had wanted to publish ch2 this past weekend, and it is already done, but it seems so blah. Trephine says I've fixed the technical issues he raised previously, and my writing seems more consistent, but I'm asking a lot from the readers for their attention, as my story has no real interest point beyond the desire to see Van and Hitomi get together.

I don't know. Is it because romance satisfy me so easily?

Sigh~

My other hobby is going to take precedence this week. New content came out!

Google Notebook 2

2006-07-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

I love making things up and create these secret stories that no one will ever know. Today I made up a lot of Fanelian culture and backstories, and they will be inserted here and there in DS. I hope people will enjoy the little glimpses, because I certainly love them ;3

I think that's why I love fantasy so much, and why I love The Lord of the Rings so much. There's a whole world in the book, complete with culture, races, language, history, that it's so real in my imagination.

The only problem with making things up is that even my Google notebook is getting out of hand. Current subsections: 1) character, 2) story outline, 3) prose, 4) detail, 5) thoughts, 6) love, 7) author's note. I wish there's a way to make the subsection into deeper hierarchies... Also, if the note itself becomes too large, the font selections become unresponsive, and it takes time to save.

Maybe at the end of my fic, if people are interested, I'll publish my Google notebook. But maybe I'm dreaming up the interest, haha.

Miracles

2006-07-20T01:33:00.000-07:00

It's weird how sometimes I have no idea what I want to write, and after I make myself stare aimlessly at the Word document, trying useless things, creating insipid sentences, then an idea would take form by its own volition, and it all fits together into a better direction.

Perhaps it's a miracle.

Tonight was just that. Ch2 should be ready by this weekend.

Today's sentence:
But Merle was in front of her, holding Hitomi’s hand with her own warm ones, her childhood expressions blossomed into charm, her emotions as unassuming and overwhelming as ever.

Progress Update 3

2006-07-19T01:30:00.000-07:00

Ch2 is almost there, except for a scene between Hitomi and Merle that I want to get right. Merle has accepted Hitomi's return from the moment of her arrival, so besides Merle's lines and actions, I want to make Hitomi reflect on why Merle would feel that way despite her long absence. Female-female interaction is tricky to get all the right feelings down; there's so many nuances.

I tweaked a few more words in ch3, and now it's really finally done. Touching it further would probably just make it worse ;x

No sentence for you guys today. They're either small changes from before or something that gives too much away.

Rewatching

2006-07-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

Chocolatelova and I discuss scenes from Escaflowne so much, and today my anime knowledge failed on Van's gloveless scene T_T

So that was the final straw in my motivation to download a DVD player after my reinstall. I also created a screenshot key, yay. Now I really need to divide my Escaflowne screencaps into episode folders; they're getting out of control.

I'll probably watch the series again this week, to make sure I grab all the screenshots I need and record down actual names and titles. It's hard to describe passages well without visualizing the space, and I also noted that titles for Balgus, Luva, Yurizen, and Asona are actually "four brigadier generals of the samurais of Fanelia", even though they are also the chief vassals. (Although, I'm quite proud that I actually guessed the their "chief vassal" status right, and also guessed their army divisions right, based on their formal armor ^^v) Escaflowne Compendium is great for little information tidbits, but there are also things that only I think is important, lol.

Afterward

2006-07-17T01:08:00.000-07:00

After I posted ch1 today, I was at first anxious if everything showed up okay. I then hurried to make forums, and updated my profile to reflect its posted status. When the fic showed up on Escaflowne directory, then I panicked at how ff didn't take the semicolon in one of my sentences and made the summary look like a horrible mistake. As I scrambled to fix that, I felt a little better when I saw that no one had accessed the fic yet.

After all that, I was still nervous and excited. I refreshed the stat screen every five minutes, and hurried to respond to reviews immediately.

But as the afternoon wore on, I refreshed stats at longer and longer intervals. I stepped away from the computer and made some tea. I did some errands. I imed some friends. I worked on ch2.

And I realized that I began to step into the contented stage, where everything becomes a pleasant surprise.

Today was a good day. Which brings us to Picture #3:

Posted!

2006-07-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

Deeper than the Sky
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3048890/1/

Forums
http://www.fanfiction.net/f/272628/

After another hour's tinkering (ff doesn't like web link format, either), it's finally up.

Let's see ^^;