Getting the second round of comments from Chocolatelova tonight made me so excited about ch5 that I just had to revise immediately and post it on ff. The things she mentioned--Folken in the dream, the prophet's threat, Van's meetings--the new changes are now much, much better. And here are the sentences because I'm on a posting high and totally happy with the revision:
1) On certain nights he would dream of an unquenchable fire, the faces of death amid the flames and ashes. And last would come Folken, his wings sometimes white and sometimes black, but always with his back turned, his face in the darkness. Van would reach out to grasp his brother’s shoulders, but his hands would never touch him, as if Folken was of smoke and mists.
2) There had been an especially wearying case on inheritance, and at one point in the screaming match he was tempted to put the wife and the dead merchant’s lover and their wailing children out of his hall until they can speak in coherent, civil sentences.
I always think my newest ch is so much better than previous ones. I don't think that's just the excitement and the chocolate cake talking. We'll see what happens in the next 15 chs!
No comments:
Post a Comment