The diplomat scene ended up all right, to my relief. I don't think Van speaks formally as "we", but I'll need to rewatch some scenes to make sure.
Now just two more little scenes, and I'll be done with the first draft of ch5. Whew! A lot happens in this chapter. My chapters keep getting longer and longer ._, It's already almost as long as ch4... But I guess the important thing isn't really how long it is, but what happens within the chapter, and that was a failure of ch3, despite how much I liked it.
So far Cim seems too much like a stereotype. I must not have enough background on him beyond the role he's supposed to play. I'm also introducing the characater of Leal, the chief vassal, and Belian, the master recordkeeper, in more detail. I want to make them seem like old men and Van's surrogate fathers at the same time, but I fear sometimes I step into the territory of the nagging mother ; ; I'll have to finish the ch and get Chocolatelova and Pennylain to look at it, I guess.
Today's sentence is dialogue:
Belian’s blue eyes twinkled. "Oh, I don't think he'd be so stubborn as to not see its advantages."
2 comments:
If I may quickly say, me jaime le template! Yes this is my rusty French but a compliment is a compliment no matter what language its written in, right?
Well, I wanted to share a comment on a thought you stated: " ...But I guess the important thing isn't really how long it is, but what happens within the chapter..."
I cannot tell you how many times I wished many authors would think the same thing, myself included. I too find it difficult not to let chapters get too long. I just get so wrapped up in what I want to convey, plot wise, that my pacing suffers.
I think at times I end up smothering the reader with too much at one sitting.
I believe that control of pacing comes with smart practice and maturity in creative writing. But I have been wrong before...
Even so, your work and that of others connected to your blog have encouraged me to try again at my Escaflowne fanfics. And I welcome anyone interested, or should I say brave enough, to read through my imaginings and give me some pointers. :)
Welcome to the blog! And thanks again for your review this week ;3
Hmm, I'm still quite a beginner in writing, and find mistakes everywhere I go. I think in terms of plot, Sapphirefly's stuff is a good rule to look at.
Unfortunately I haven't played any Prince of Persia games, and wouldn't be able to help much about that. I'll take a look at your Escaflowne fics this week, though. (But btw, your link in blogger to your ff profile is broken. Might want to fix that.)
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