Feedback on The Gourmand

1) Today was my workshop day in class, and my hands only stopped shaking when everything was done. I'm not sure why I was so nervous--fear of what I might hear, perhaps. They liked the story and it made them very hungry, and I was really happy to hear that. They wanted more interaction between the narrator and Elise, and more background relationship between them, and more conflict between food and love, because the story now seems more like an anecdote instead of a story with complex layers and character conflict.

I was only frustrated at some people's edits, because when I change sound and rhythm by editing out "the"s and other words, I get protective of sentence structures and words. "Hideously large truck" has a purpose, different from "large" or "huge" or "a monstrosity of a truck". But then, I wonder if other people also feel the same when I edit their sentences?

It's so sad, though, to see English majors commit the same spelling and grammar mistakes as others, and other writing issues like the avoidance of commas. Are commas really that scary?

2) Back to DS. I'm now done with the first part of ch4, but unsure how I'd like to do the second part. I have the whole legend of Zoah, but I don't yet know what's the best way to present it. I want to leave some bits out, so that Hitomi can find the missing pieces later, and also give Van selective storytelling, as if he's hesistant to tell all or he wants to skirt certain topics.

3) Sapphirefly said my sentence drags and would be more effective if it's shorter. She's so right, and the new shorter sentences bring each period into prominence:
“On this day, Year of the Crystal East, White, 20th Moon, we hereby ask your blessing on this Day of Planting. May our fields be laden with gold from your gift of rain and our storehouses be filled from your body earth. May our young grow up strong in your image and our old lay to rest in your peace. May our king lead our beloved Fanelia to prosperity with your voice and deliver justice with your wisdom. This we ask, on this Day of Planting.”