Today I received my 67th review on DS posted on ff.net.
Here's why I think it's amazing:
- I haven't done any serious work for it in 2 years.
- I've broken deadline promises several times.
- It's 5 chapters in probably a 20+ chapters story.
- Van and Hitomi can barely survive their awkward reunion.
- Ch1 and 2 are horrible, and nothing happens in ch 3-5 except boring narrative.
It's amazing my readers don't hate me yet, don't you think?
And yet today, I received a very warm and generous review praising my work more than it is, more than I deserve. There's no scolding, no pointing of fingers, no lament on lack of romance, no complaint on the horrible prose. Instead, it is unconditional, it is understanding, it is overwhelmingly the most perfect review I never could have imagined.
Is it that? Or is it no more extraordinary than the other 66 reviews except for my own reception?
I think I have been taking my readers for granted. I haven't really given real thanks for their time and their feelings they invest into DS. I haven't been fair in toying with their expectations.
And it's amazing I am still lucky, isn't it?
First order of business (rather, second, as this post is the first), find a note-taking process.
edit: Gosh. I'm reading old posts and it's like...what the heck was I talking about?! Does anything come out of brain makes sense?! It's amazing how my readers can understand anything, honestly.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Villians
One of the things I am planning to do with DS (the pile of things seem to grow by the day) is the absence of a single-source, demonic villian that we'll be able to point to for every malice and misdeed. I wanted to show the inherit malice possible in ourselves, through selfish actions that people choose without thought or care to its true signal-cascade effects. However, I didn't really have a concrete idea of what could happen until I saw Redbelt this weekend. Its notion of a strong but naive hero, betrayed by friendship and sidelined by good fortune, who will ultimately prevail because of the righteousness of goodness itself.
It wouldn't transfer over to DS directly--mostly because Van is in the position of power (even if dwarfed by other countries in the Alliance) and partly because he isn't really that type of character. Despite Fanelia's relative simplicity, Van distrusts, because of his status and because of his experiences, and then has to make an effort to let people in. But it's not impossible situation to create, for Van would trust someone he believes is reliable. And there are exponentially more possibilities if Hitomi is the harbinger.
The second idea I'm planning recently is the push of humanity evolution. Words get created and dropped. Events become history and become myths. Individuals are born and whole populations die. And soon an age passes. People come in waves to replace each other, to support and uphold their own ways of life. The passing of an age is sad, but full of promises--because the end marks the beginning.
The depressing thing about thinking and planning is that I am not producing anything. But I really, really think that this is necessary in my development, in DS's development. I am learning composure, I am learning patience, I am learning to dig deeper. I want so so much for DS to be an entity--a matured distillation of my dreams and feelings--where the fantasy world is there, ready for people to enter and enjoy and wrestle with their thoughts, until the lingering finish they didn't know they always wanted.
And I thank you for letting me be selfish and do this. For waiting.
It wouldn't transfer over to DS directly--mostly because Van is in the position of power (even if dwarfed by other countries in the Alliance) and partly because he isn't really that type of character. Despite Fanelia's relative simplicity, Van distrusts, because of his status and because of his experiences, and then has to make an effort to let people in. But it's not impossible situation to create, for Van would trust someone he believes is reliable. And there are exponentially more possibilities if Hitomi is the harbinger.
The second idea I'm planning recently is the push of humanity evolution. Words get created and dropped. Events become history and become myths. Individuals are born and whole populations die. And soon an age passes. People come in waves to replace each other, to support and uphold their own ways of life. The passing of an age is sad, but full of promises--because the end marks the beginning.
The depressing thing about thinking and planning is that I am not producing anything. But I really, really think that this is necessary in my development, in DS's development. I am learning composure, I am learning patience, I am learning to dig deeper. I want so so much for DS to be an entity--a matured distillation of my dreams and feelings--where the fantasy world is there, ready for people to enter and enjoy and wrestle with their thoughts, until the lingering finish they didn't know they always wanted.
And I thank you for letting me be selfish and do this. For waiting.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Character Development
Wow, has it really been that long since I last posted? I guess being busy with work and ffxi again really alters my concept of normal time.
I keep going back and forth between thinking up possible conflicts and trying to expand the characters and cultures in DS, but I feel like these past weeks have been just running around in my hamster wheel. Perhaps it's my own inexperience with writing that none of my ideas have pushed me any closer to an actual, solid development for plot. But though I've tried hard to make things happen, I think the root problem is not basing my ideas on what I want to happen with V+H--not just what kind of romantic scenes they could have or what kind of experiences would be interesting--but my focus should be on what would make V+H develop into the characters they could become.
There should be events that make V+H realize their love, grow up more, extend their capabilities, and impact others positively as well as learning. There must be trials and tribulations, and accusations and wrong assumptions, and mistakes as well amends.
This should be a good new starting place.
Recently I've been getting into Shugo Chara, as I mentioned in my other blog. I see a lot of parallels between Van and Shugo Chara's Ikuto--qualities that I love in both. The draw of Ikuto's past and his secrets are so mysteriously boyish and manly at the same time, that I think it would really interesting to develop V+H this way, and the idea of the past is present already in DS even in its beginning ch, that pushing one of DS's themes down this path would be totally possible. Everyone has something they regret, or a secret joy, or a dream they keep only to themselves. Or maybe some confession that they are embarrassed to reveal.
One thing I would really like to know is the mystery of this scene:
I keep going back and forth between thinking up possible conflicts and trying to expand the characters and cultures in DS, but I feel like these past weeks have been just running around in my hamster wheel. Perhaps it's my own inexperience with writing that none of my ideas have pushed me any closer to an actual, solid development for plot. But though I've tried hard to make things happen, I think the root problem is not basing my ideas on what I want to happen with V+H--not just what kind of romantic scenes they could have or what kind of experiences would be interesting--but my focus should be on what would make V+H develop into the characters they could become.
There should be events that make V+H realize their love, grow up more, extend their capabilities, and impact others positively as well as learning. There must be trials and tribulations, and accusations and wrong assumptions, and mistakes as well amends.
This should be a good new starting place.
Recently I've been getting into Shugo Chara, as I mentioned in my other blog. I see a lot of parallels between Van and Shugo Chara's Ikuto--qualities that I love in both. The draw of Ikuto's past and his secrets are so mysteriously boyish and manly at the same time, that I think it would really interesting to develop V+H this way, and the idea of the past is present already in DS even in its beginning ch, that pushing one of DS's themes down this path would be totally possible. Everyone has something they regret, or a secret joy, or a dream they keep only to themselves. Or maybe some confession that they are embarrassed to reveal.
One thing I would really like to know is the mystery of this scene:
Friday, April 18, 2008
Recently...3
Yesterday I started making my collection of Escaflowne screen captures into categories instead of organizing by episodes. I suppose it's a bit overkill to see exactly the carving in chairbacks in the Palas formal dining hall, and how green is the carpet, and what you can see out both sides of the windowed hall--and I know this weekend when I go home again I'm so going to grab my filmbooks (forgot last time) and scan in the maps and layout pages--but this is just the way I am. Obsessed.
Actually, I had copied the screenshots to the new folders because it's not like I will let them go out of ep order, but this is less being obsessed and more about keeping track of what happens in each ep. I find the archive extremely useful as a reference. (Okay maybe this is still obsessed.)
Still deep in research and plotting. Wikipedia is so great. Today's reading is about Emporer Tang Taizong (I read this history when I was a kid so it brought back so many memories, too), and it reminded me that Tyrrhenia in its golden age should be like the Tang period, and Empress Zhangsun is a good model for Elamere. I also read up about Japanese military strategies for a base for Fanelia's system. A similar situation to the Thirty-Eight Year War could be an idea for Goau (Why was he and Balgus out in the field and requiring their guymelefs? There is no explanation ever. Sometimes things in the series are so random, eg Hitomi's gym bag).
A sudden idea (shocking): What is going on in Basram that Van needs to have internal communication there?! Fanelia is such a small and rural country that it's hard to imagine (now) that anything past its borders would be in its consideration--barring anything catastrophic. Though Van has gained allies and good will through his prowess in battle and common sympathy from Fanelia's wanton destruction, there has to be a damned good reason why he's spending resources and men all the way across the Alliance into Basram.
Seriously, what was going in my head when I wrote the first 5 chapters. I dug myself a hole and it's so hard to climb back out. (Don't get me started on ch1. I can't even look at it now I'm so ashamed. /emo wrist slash)
Actually, I had copied the screenshots to the new folders because it's not like I will let them go out of ep order, but this is less being obsessed and more about keeping track of what happens in each ep. I find the archive extremely useful as a reference. (Okay maybe this is still obsessed.)
Still deep in research and plotting. Wikipedia is so great. Today's reading is about Emporer Tang Taizong (I read this history when I was a kid so it brought back so many memories, too), and it reminded me that Tyrrhenia in its golden age should be like the Tang period, and Empress Zhangsun is a good model for Elamere. I also read up about Japanese military strategies for a base for Fanelia's system. A similar situation to the Thirty-Eight Year War could be an idea for Goau (Why was he and Balgus out in the field and requiring their guymelefs? There is no explanation ever. Sometimes things in the series are so random, eg Hitomi's gym bag).
A sudden idea (shocking): What is going on in Basram that Van needs to have internal communication there?! Fanelia is such a small and rural country that it's hard to imagine (now) that anything past its borders would be in its consideration--barring anything catastrophic. Though Van has gained allies and good will through his prowess in battle and common sympathy from Fanelia's wanton destruction, there has to be a damned good reason why he's spending resources and men all the way across the Alliance into Basram.
Seriously, what was going in my head when I wrote the first 5 chapters. I dug myself a hole and it's so hard to climb back out. (Don't get me started on ch1. I can't even look at it now I'm so ashamed. /emo wrist slash)
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Continuation Revised
I just realized that perhaps part of the struggle about my ideas for the main conflict in DS is its lack of continuation from the story in Escaflowne beyond the characters and V+H's relationship. Even though I've written a lot about the cultural and political history of Gaea, there must be remaining tensions and unsolved issues that need to be brought forward and resolved.
Summary of the end:
1. Rebuilding of destroyed Fanelia. Asturia with ruins within Palas, and a destroyed Rampant Port and border post Castelo. Freid with collapsed capitol Godashim and Fortona temple.
2. Armies contend for dominance against each other (unclear of factions--other countries include Cesario, Basram, Daedalus, and Egzardia--have to watch end ep again).
3. Collapse of Zaibach empire. What happened to its people?
4. Atlantis entry sealed.
5. Death of thousands. Energist bomb effects on the battlefield (where exactly is it?).
On the personal aspects:
1. Allen is reunited with Celena. Allen is still unattached, and no resolution about his status within the Heavenly Knights.
2. Dryden off on his quest to return as a better man.
3. V+H part, obviously.
Is there anything I'm missing?
My new stat counter tells me most of the traffic is from Google image search. I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not. (At least, I'm not savvy enough to IP filter its hits, so it'll stay for now.)
Summary of the end:
1. Rebuilding of destroyed Fanelia. Asturia with ruins within Palas, and a destroyed Rampant Port and border post Castelo. Freid with collapsed capitol Godashim and Fortona temple.
2. Armies contend for dominance against each other (unclear of factions--other countries include Cesario, Basram, Daedalus, and Egzardia--have to watch end ep again).
3. Collapse of Zaibach empire. What happened to its people?
4. Atlantis entry sealed.
5. Death of thousands. Energist bomb effects on the battlefield (where exactly is it?).
On the personal aspects:
1. Allen is reunited with Celena. Allen is still unattached, and no resolution about his status within the Heavenly Knights.
2. Dryden off on his quest to return as a better man.
3. V+H part, obviously.
Is there anything I'm missing?
My new stat counter tells me most of the traffic is from Google image search. I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not. (At least, I'm not savvy enough to IP filter its hits, so it'll stay for now.)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Backstories
My brilliant idea today was to write more backstories for DS, so off I went on wikipedia for details I've missed and new articles.
1. Read about steampunk and identified Esca elements: airships, guymelefs, crystal power, fate alteration machine, energist bomb
2. Read again about Edgar Cayce
3. Read again about Ignatius Donnelly
4. Read about Immanuel Velikovsky
5. Read about Freidich Schiller
6. Read about the sinking of Helike in Greece in 373 BC
7. Read the article on Numenor
Still need more backstories, and though it's likely I wouldn't fit them all into DS (and really shouldn't), they'll help build the culture and interactions between groups.
I'm more and more into the idea that Hitomi could turn out to be a significant political figure that exceeds her role in Esca. Having Hitomi in a powerful role is so appealing. My only hesitation right now is how it will turn out for her. I don't want Hitomi to be a ruler of a separate country like Princess of La Vallex, but there must still be numerous roles for her in the future of Gaea--I just can't think of any right now.
Can't quite remember where this is from, though it must be from an official illustration:
1. Read about steampunk and identified Esca elements: airships, guymelefs, crystal power, fate alteration machine, energist bomb
2. Read again about Edgar Cayce
3. Read again about Ignatius Donnelly
4. Read about Immanuel Velikovsky
5. Read about Freidich Schiller
6. Read about the sinking of Helike in Greece in 373 BC
7. Read the article on Numenor
Still need more backstories, and though it's likely I wouldn't fit them all into DS (and really shouldn't), they'll help build the culture and interactions between groups.
I'm more and more into the idea that Hitomi could turn out to be a significant political figure that exceeds her role in Esca. Having Hitomi in a powerful role is so appealing. My only hesitation right now is how it will turn out for her. I don't want Hitomi to be a ruler of a separate country like Princess of La Vallex, but there must still be numerous roles for her in the future of Gaea--I just can't think of any right now.
Can't quite remember where this is from, though it must be from an official illustration:
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
On Writing 2
I still haven't jumped back into prose and paragraphs and sentences and particular words, but this time for real, I think I'm getting closer in preparation. In my previous post on writing, the focus was on editing, but these past couple of weeks have been of a different sort of experience.
Listening to Escaflowne music again while visualizing scenes and pretending characters have helped set me back into Gaea. A little notebook and a good pen force me to think about DS at every idle moment. Some alone time in coffee shops and wait for public transportation are surprisingly productive. And changing my desktop to my DS drawings definitely bring in the mood.
My composition is still awkward, but writing everyday helps, even if it's just this blog or recent anime reviews or emails. I'm sure if I persist in my focus on DS, even if progress is slow, It will eventually find me.
Yesterday I detailed the second to last ch (unless my plan for scenes change dramatically). I get tremendously excited when I get a good idea, and it's tempting and slightly depressing that I can't reveal it here--indeed not until the second to last ch. I hope you will forgive me, even though it's awful of me to wave a cookie but not share. Well, perhaps a chocolate chip: Van and Sousuke will meet.
Considerations tossing around in head right now:
1. Other main characters' developments are too two-dimensional (Allen, Millerna, etc.). What growths or regressions have they had since we saw them last in Esca? How are they impacted and grow by the events and by interactions with V+H in DS?
2. Erected political structures are weak and superficial. Needs more backstories to countries and better representations of the rulers.
3. How are Gaea in general affected by the conflict and then the outcome of the conflict? Do people just go on with their lives without a real knowledge of what has happened like in Esca?
4. Related to 2 and 3, have more important minor characters who we can identify with and see how their lives change. (Esca examples: Voris, Jajuka, Zongi, Miguel)
5. I want to toss my original idea of including the song "Into the Light" into one of the ch, because it's such a common device in fanfiction and basically I did no work except think it illustrates V+H's relationship really well--and then when I wrote down that I've decided to toss it, I feel really sad and lost.
This is the back cover of doujinshi "Euphoria of the Meadow" by Gypsy Queen:
Listening to Escaflowne music again while visualizing scenes and pretending characters have helped set me back into Gaea. A little notebook and a good pen force me to think about DS at every idle moment. Some alone time in coffee shops and wait for public transportation are surprisingly productive. And changing my desktop to my DS drawings definitely bring in the mood.
My composition is still awkward, but writing everyday helps, even if it's just this blog or recent anime reviews or emails. I'm sure if I persist in my focus on DS, even if progress is slow, It will eventually find me.
Yesterday I detailed the second to last ch (unless my plan for scenes change dramatically). I get tremendously excited when I get a good idea, and it's tempting and slightly depressing that I can't reveal it here--indeed not until the second to last ch. I hope you will forgive me, even though it's awful of me to wave a cookie but not share. Well, perhaps a chocolate chip: Van and Sousuke will meet.
Considerations tossing around in head right now:
1. Other main characters' developments are too two-dimensional (Allen, Millerna, etc.). What growths or regressions have they had since we saw them last in Esca? How are they impacted and grow by the events and by interactions with V+H in DS?
2. Erected political structures are weak and superficial. Needs more backstories to countries and better representations of the rulers.
3. How are Gaea in general affected by the conflict and then the outcome of the conflict? Do people just go on with their lives without a real knowledge of what has happened like in Esca?
4. Related to 2 and 3, have more important minor characters who we can identify with and see how their lives change. (Esca examples: Voris, Jajuka, Zongi, Miguel)
5. I want to toss my original idea of including the song "Into the Light" into one of the ch, because it's such a common device in fanfiction and basically I did no work except think it illustrates V+H's relationship really well--and then when I wrote down that I've decided to toss it, I feel really sad and lost.
This is the back cover of doujinshi "Euphoria of the Meadow" by Gypsy Queen:
Monday, April 07, 2008
Protector of the Heavens
It's been a while since I've seen the series and I don't have the filmbooks with me--was there a phrase to describe Escaflowne as "protector of the heavens"? It seems too together for me to make it up, but then memory is sometimes a tricky thing. I've searched lyrics and Escaflowne Compendium already; if I can't find it in the filmbooks this weekend, I'll have to delegate it to the pile of facts I made up.
I think instead of focusing on my failure of coming up with anything plausible for ch6, I should resign myself to wandering thoughts on end-story. At least, it's coming along.
Ah, my other thought recently was on age. During Esca, V+H were 15, and their dreams and beliefs in themselves and each other supported their intentions throughout the story and ultimately outwilled the Fate Alternation Machine. For DS, V+H are 25--and are the defining characteristics courage and desire for truth?
I think instead of focusing on my failure of coming up with anything plausible for ch6, I should resign myself to wandering thoughts on end-story. At least, it's coming along.
Ah, my other thought recently was on age. During Esca, V+H were 15, and their dreams and beliefs in themselves and each other supported their intentions throughout the story and ultimately outwilled the Fate Alternation Machine. For DS, V+H are 25--and are the defining characteristics courage and desire for truth?
Friday, April 04, 2008
Stuck Stuck Stuck
Actually, the stupidest thing about being stuck is that DS is a romance story. It's not like people are going to pay that much attention to non-kissing scenes, yet these are the very ones I'm stuck on. Irony. All the romance scenes are decided. I've changed things here and there, minor things like what Hitomi and Van say to each other--but I can see each scene so clearly. At least, they are worth looking forward to.
This morning while thinking of more ideas for ch6, I thought of a strange question: If Escaflowne had not been sealed within the Fanelia temple after Goau's death, would it be possible for someone other than Folken and Van to make a blood pact with it?
Normal melefs and guymelefs are controlled by any pilot. But for Escaflowne, even though it requires a blood pact, if both brothers failed, or if someone got an energist first--would it be possible for Escaflowne to be commanded by someone completely unrelated?
I think it would be. There isn't data to suggest the Espano made Escaflowne exclusively for Fanelia (making possible my little insert in ch4 for Escaflowne to be a dowry from Tyrrhenia), and the Ispanos seem like moneygrubbers (I mean seriously how many gidaru did they charge) that I can't imagine them making anything exclusive enough to deny their own profits.
I hope I'll be able to include the Ispanos as planned. The little buggers are so funny. And DS is lacking in the funny right now.
This morning while thinking of more ideas for ch6, I thought of a strange question: If Escaflowne had not been sealed within the Fanelia temple after Goau's death, would it be possible for someone other than Folken and Van to make a blood pact with it?
Normal melefs and guymelefs are controlled by any pilot. But for Escaflowne, even though it requires a blood pact, if both brothers failed, or if someone got an energist first--would it be possible for Escaflowne to be commanded by someone completely unrelated?
I think it would be. There isn't data to suggest the Espano made Escaflowne exclusively for Fanelia (making possible my little insert in ch4 for Escaflowne to be a dowry from Tyrrhenia), and the Ispanos seem like moneygrubbers (I mean seriously how many gidaru did they charge) that I can't imagine them making anything exclusive enough to deny their own profits.
I hope I'll be able to include the Ispanos as planned. The little buggers are so funny. And DS is lacking in the funny right now.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Old Posts
In preparation for a day of writing, I went through some old blog posts to look where I left off--in some ways posting is better than a private journal is some decrease in "omg drool" moments and I'm forced to patch my thoughts together into some coherency, but I definitely go too far into my "BSing scholar" moments. Some of my posts are just wtf was I thinking....
Like my previous declaration that I think of Van as the main character. That's seriously off mark. Hitomi is the catalyst of Gaea's war and Van's development. If he didn't have the dreams of Fanelia, and Hitomi and Merle to protect, would Van still turn out the same way? Without Hitomi, the only character to interject defiance and kind thoughts, would Van still progress to that smile at the end of ep26?
The dumbest thing about being stuck is that I planned my story mid- and endpoints, and backstories and little details, but I have no idea what I want Cim to say in ch6.
Like my previous declaration that I think of Van as the main character. That's seriously off mark. Hitomi is the catalyst of Gaea's war and Van's development. If he didn't have the dreams of Fanelia, and Hitomi and Merle to protect, would Van still turn out the same way? Without Hitomi, the only character to interject defiance and kind thoughts, would Van still progress to that smile at the end of ep26?
The dumbest thing about being stuck is that I planned my story mid- and endpoints, and backstories and little details, but I have no idea what I want Cim to say in ch6.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Hi There
I've been thinking, thinking, thinking--and then I realized there's no point in thinking if there's no doing. (Yes, I am really that dumb...)
I always have excuses. Perhaps the largest is how much time I'll need to finish. (I'm still at an rough ch6 and the story hasn't yet kicked off. If there are 20-25 chs as I had outlined, and writing each ch so far has taken me 1-2 months each, it would take me at the minimum a year. Damn rationality.) But really: I like DS and I like writing and I like writing Van--why shouldn't I spend more time on it?
I was surprised to find a modern, European version of Van:
I always have excuses. Perhaps the largest is how much time I'll need to finish. (I'm still at an rough ch6 and the story hasn't yet kicked off. If there are 20-25 chs as I had outlined, and writing each ch so far has taken me 1-2 months each, it would take me at the minimum a year. Damn rationality.) But really: I like DS and I like writing and I like writing Van--why shouldn't I spend more time on it?
I was surprised to find a modern, European version of Van:
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