Bless Chocolatelova and her comments. It's so great to have someone who knows what I want to say (and get all my Escaflowne bits of trivia ;3) and let me know what's wrong with it. And she tears it apart so well ^^
The summary problems for ch5:
1. Characters. Half the ch was written in Leal's perspective; we get to see Belian (the master recordkeeper) and Cim (Basram's chief diplomat); meet Mu, Loet, and Kuon (the other 3 chief vassals); and mention the prophet Critias and Basram's president Crion. Cim needs to be more clearly defined, and the prophet should be estalished as a clear threat and mystery.
2. Vague allusions. Hiding too many things makes the plot and tension cloudy.
3. Establishment of Hitomi's importance to Fanelia.
4. Van's thoughts about Hitomi's new life.
5. Second part of ch5 is quite different from the first section. Will split up into 2 different chs. The transitional ch I had planned would merge quite well with the second part into a new ch6.
I don't know why I sometimes reply to reviews with projected time for the next ch, as I never post on time ._.;
3 comments:
Your comments were great! They always make me think a lot harder about the ch, what I want to say, things to clearly think out, etc. I usually get a springboard to ideas I should consider. Maybe I'll scan in a few pages of my notes so you can see what I mean, haha.
I actually had thought about splitting the ch once before, but it makes more sense now that the ch will be a lot longer and with more details in both sections.
Vague allusions... I know what you mean by how they cause readers to lose interest. Been there! In fact... sometimes I'm still there. Hm. strange.
Anyway, I think you're on the right track by having your work scrutinized so carefully.
Writing a great story is such a thrill and at the same time so seemingly unatainable. The ever perpetual dangling carrot.
You'll get better with each chapter. Thankfully you have Chocolatelova to help you. ^^
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