The Dragon Cannot Cross the Line

From Chocolatelova's mention of my previous Escaflowne story, The Dragon Cannot Cross the Line, I read it again yesterday and agree that it could really be better. My verb tenses are running everywhere, thought italics are confusing and unncessary, and there's a superior lyrics translation. Beyond these blatant mistakes, practice and discussions with my writing buddies have really strengthened my abilities to write better.

I watched ep 19 again (it's all really an excuse to watch Van blush), then spent maybe 6 hours editing the prose. I like the new version much better, but there's still a few spots that have awkward transitions, and although I love the song, it still seems to obstruct the flow of the story. Or should I claim that as a purposeful, artistic method? Ha.

Major changes:
- made everything present tense
- eliminated most of the flashback quotes
- Van's thoughts merged with his narrative. No need for italics
- better translation for "Mystic Eyes". Added another section of the song
- added to Van's thought process--more on his decision about Hitomi

I'll let it sit for a day or two before I repost.