I've realized my original plan to use politics as the main story plotline is a terrible idea, since government and history are really my worst subjects. Even Sapphirefly's help would not be able to redeem my inadequacy. So these past few days I've been researching into a more complex plot.
It's interesting to find little details in the series, and find their real-life correspondences. From Wikipedia's Atlantis entry: "Famed psychic Edgar Cayce...proposed that Atlantis was an ancient, now-submerged, highly-evolved civilization which had ships and aircraft powered by a mysterious form of energy crystal."
The new and old plots are now falling together into place, but there are room for more associations between each little story. I want to bring back minor characters and Alliance countries. Now that I've got the story direction once more, I can start working on ch4 again. Its festival will be exciting ;3
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Posted Ch2
A few scattered items today:
1) Published ch2 tonight after finding no direct problem spots to work out. I just couldn't figure out what else I can do with the ch, wahh ; ; Ah well, stumbling around is all part of the experience. I just hope the ch itself seems complete enough.
2) Reviews vs. hits for DS and The Dragon are so far about 1:10 and 1:40. I think the difference is because DS is a long story to span many chs, since reviews are mainly from interested readers cheering on the next ch installation. Regardless, all kinds of reviews are wonderful and make me feel fuzzy.
3) Thinking about doing another one-shot for Escaflowne, but haven't decided on which scene to illustrate. Maybe I can just work it into the DS storyline.
4) I've found the most fantastic screenshot to illustrate the meaning of "Deeper than the Sky". Of course, it's Van, and he goes perfectly with the blog color scheme.
1) Published ch2 tonight after finding no direct problem spots to work out. I just couldn't figure out what else I can do with the ch, wahh ; ; Ah well, stumbling around is all part of the experience. I just hope the ch itself seems complete enough.
2) Reviews vs. hits for DS and The Dragon are so far about 1:10 and 1:40. I think the difference is because DS is a long story to span many chs, since reviews are mainly from interested readers cheering on the next ch installation. Regardless, all kinds of reviews are wonderful and make me feel fuzzy.
3) Thinking about doing another one-shot for Escaflowne, but haven't decided on which scene to illustrate. Maybe I can just work it into the DS storyline.
4) I've found the most fantastic screenshot to illustrate the meaning of "Deeper than the Sky". Of course, it's Van, and he goes perfectly with the blog color scheme.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Stuck
I had wanted to publish ch2 this past weekend, and it is already done, but it seems so blah. Trephine says I've fixed the technical issues he raised previously, and my writing seems more consistent, but I'm asking a lot from the readers for their attention, as my story has no real interest point beyond the desire to see Van and Hitomi get together.
I don't know. Is it because romance satisfy me so easily?
Sigh~
My other hobby is going to take precedence this week. New content came out!
I don't know. Is it because romance satisfy me so easily?
Sigh~
My other hobby is going to take precedence this week. New content came out!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Google Notebook 2
I love making things up and create these secret stories that no one will ever know. Today I made up a lot of Fanelian culture and backstories, and they will be inserted here and there in DS. I hope people will enjoy the little glimpses, because I certainly love them ;3
I think that's why I love fantasy so much, and why I love The Lord of the Rings so much. There's a whole world in the book, complete with culture, races, language, history, that it's so real in my imagination.
The only problem with making things up is that even my Google notebook is getting out of hand. Current subsections: 1) character, 2) story outline, 3) prose, 4) detail, 5) thoughts, 6) love, 7) author's note. I wish there's a way to make the subsection into deeper hierarchies... Also, if the note itself becomes too large, the font selections become unresponsive, and it takes time to save.
Maybe at the end of my fic, if people are interested, I'll publish my Google notebook. But maybe I'm dreaming up the interest, haha.
I think that's why I love fantasy so much, and why I love The Lord of the Rings so much. There's a whole world in the book, complete with culture, races, language, history, that it's so real in my imagination.
The only problem with making things up is that even my Google notebook is getting out of hand. Current subsections: 1) character, 2) story outline, 3) prose, 4) detail, 5) thoughts, 6) love, 7) author's note. I wish there's a way to make the subsection into deeper hierarchies... Also, if the note itself becomes too large, the font selections become unresponsive, and it takes time to save.
Maybe at the end of my fic, if people are interested, I'll publish my Google notebook. But maybe I'm dreaming up the interest, haha.
Miracles
It's weird how sometimes I have no idea what I want to write, and after I make myself stare aimlessly at the Word document, trying useless things, creating insipid sentences, then an idea would take form by its own volition, and it all fits together into a better direction.
Perhaps it's a miracle.
Tonight was just that. Ch2 should be ready by this weekend.
Today's sentence:
But Merle was in front of her, holding Hitomi’s hand with her own warm ones, her childhood expressions blossomed into charm, her emotions as unassuming and overwhelming as ever.
Perhaps it's a miracle.
Tonight was just that. Ch2 should be ready by this weekend.
Today's sentence:
But Merle was in front of her, holding Hitomi’s hand with her own warm ones, her childhood expressions blossomed into charm, her emotions as unassuming and overwhelming as ever.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Progress Update 3
Ch2 is almost there, except for a scene between Hitomi and Merle that I want to get right. Merle has accepted Hitomi's return from the moment of her arrival, so besides Merle's lines and actions, I want to make Hitomi reflect on why Merle would feel that way despite her long absence. Female-female interaction is tricky to get all the right feelings down; there's so many nuances.
I tweaked a few more words in ch3, and now it's really finally done. Touching it further would probably just make it worse ;x
No sentence for you guys today. They're either small changes from before or something that gives too much away.
I tweaked a few more words in ch3, and now it's really finally done. Touching it further would probably just make it worse ;x
No sentence for you guys today. They're either small changes from before or something that gives too much away.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Rewatching
Chocolatelova and I discuss scenes from Escaflowne so much, and today my anime knowledge failed on Van's gloveless scene T_T
So that was the final straw in my motivation to download a DVD player after my reinstall. I also created a screenshot key, yay. Now I really need to divide my Escaflowne screencaps into episode folders; they're getting out of control.
I'll probably watch the series again this week, to make sure I grab all the screenshots I need and record down actual names and titles. It's hard to describe passages well without visualizing the space, and I also noted that titles for Balgus, Luva, Yurizen, and Asona are actually "four brigadier generals of the samurais of Fanelia", even though they are also the chief vassals. (Although, I'm quite proud that I actually guessed the their "chief vassal" status right, and also guessed their army divisions right, based on their formal armor ^^v) Escaflowne Compendium is great for little information tidbits, but there are also things that only I think is important, lol.
So that was the final straw in my motivation to download a DVD player after my reinstall. I also created a screenshot key, yay. Now I really need to divide my Escaflowne screencaps into episode folders; they're getting out of control.
I'll probably watch the series again this week, to make sure I grab all the screenshots I need and record down actual names and titles. It's hard to describe passages well without visualizing the space, and I also noted that titles for Balgus, Luva, Yurizen, and Asona are actually "four brigadier generals of the samurais of Fanelia", even though they are also the chief vassals. (Although, I'm quite proud that I actually guessed the their "chief vassal" status right, and also guessed their army divisions right, based on their formal armor ^^v) Escaflowne Compendium is great for little information tidbits, but there are also things that only I think is important, lol.
Afterward
After I posted ch1 today, I was at first anxious if everything showed up okay. I then hurried to make forums, and updated my profile to reflect its posted status. When the fic showed up on Escaflowne directory, then I panicked at how ff didn't take the semicolon in one of my sentences and made the summary look like a horrible mistake. As I scrambled to fix that, I felt a little better when I saw that no one had accessed the fic yet.
After all that, I was still nervous and excited. I refreshed the stat screen every five minutes, and hurried to respond to reviews immediately.
But as the afternoon wore on, I refreshed stats at longer and longer intervals. I stepped away from the computer and made some tea. I did some errands. I imed some friends. I worked on ch2.
And I realized that I began to step into the contented stage, where everything becomes a pleasant surprise.
Today was a good day. Which brings us to Picture #3:
After all that, I was still nervous and excited. I refreshed the stat screen every five minutes, and hurried to respond to reviews immediately.
But as the afternoon wore on, I refreshed stats at longer and longer intervals. I stepped away from the computer and made some tea. I did some errands. I imed some friends. I worked on ch2.
And I realized that I began to step into the contented stage, where everything becomes a pleasant surprise.
Today was a good day. Which brings us to Picture #3:
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Posted!
Deeper than the Sky
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3048890/1/
Forums
http://www.fanfiction.net/f/272628/
After another hour's tinkering (ff doesn't like web link format, either), it's finally up.
Let's see ^^;
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3048890/1/
Forums
http://www.fanfiction.net/f/272628/
After another hour's tinkering (ff doesn't like web link format, either), it's finally up.
Let's see ^^;
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Posting Frustration
After the long ordeal of editing I put Chocolatelova and Sapphirefly through, I can't figure out how ff upload works. I can't format ch1 exactly how it looks in my original document, and it makes me very frustrated.
The problem is with line breaks. I need multiple line breaks to create visual distance between scenes. I tried using its shift-enter command, using its regular enter command, editing html for more breaks, uploading the document as an html page instead, and they all look fine on the preview screen, until I save changes and then the document reverts back to the format that ff prefers, evidently. When it does this, the shift-enter also takes off the ending html bold tag, so the whole document becomes bolded. Someone on their programming team screwed up...
It is mind-bloggling how popular ff is despite its faults. Another example: when the user survey came out last month, I thought to myself, hey, that's cool, maybe we can actually get a rating system more sophisticated than number of reviews. But instead of any suggestions for writers, it asked if I preferred if they develop a fanart section.
What.
Why don't you ask me about a better editing system? Or better forums? Or better ways to link users and give webpage credits in your fic?
Okay, I'm not exactly being fair to ff. They have done well to cater to the general public, and has made fanfiction even more popular. I'm just frustrated that a seemingly simple function is fraught with problems.
Too braindead to tweak the fic presentation further tonight. Tomorrow is always another day.
The problem is with line breaks. I need multiple line breaks to create visual distance between scenes. I tried using its shift-enter command, using its regular enter command, editing html for more breaks, uploading the document as an html page instead, and they all look fine on the preview screen, until I save changes and then the document reverts back to the format that ff prefers, evidently. When it does this, the shift-enter also takes off the ending html bold tag, so the whole document becomes bolded. Someone on their programming team screwed up...
It is mind-bloggling how popular ff is despite its faults. Another example: when the user survey came out last month, I thought to myself, hey, that's cool, maybe we can actually get a rating system more sophisticated than number of reviews. But instead of any suggestions for writers, it asked if I preferred if they develop a fanart section.
What.
Why don't you ask me about a better editing system? Or better forums? Or better ways to link users and give webpage credits in your fic?
Okay, I'm not exactly being fair to ff. They have done well to cater to the general public, and has made fanfiction even more popular. I'm just frustrated that a seemingly simple function is fraught with problems.
Too braindead to tweak the fic presentation further tonight. Tomorrow is always another day.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Food and Culture
An email today made me think about how much I love food. I always appreciate cheap food--ramen, McDonald's burgers and fries, tacos, hotdogs--but I also think special meals are never extravagent--crab feast in Hokkaido, uni sushi, Indian lamb basmati rice, real southern barbeque ribs.
I've casted food into important roles in my fic, but now I'm thinking about creating some more instances and variety. Fanelian lamb stew. Cold cucumber and leek soup in Asturia. Berry ices. Colored rice dumplings molded into animal shapes. Ale. Brittle caramel lace cookies.
More cultural details. Tea ceremony. Music. Dances. History.
And who are the other two swordsmaster of Gaea?
Today's sentence:
The suspense of time was a pleasant languor, free of responsibilities and constraints, a luxurious repose full of nothing but the self.
I've casted food into important roles in my fic, but now I'm thinking about creating some more instances and variety. Fanelian lamb stew. Cold cucumber and leek soup in Asturia. Berry ices. Colored rice dumplings molded into animal shapes. Ale. Brittle caramel lace cookies.
More cultural details. Tea ceremony. Music. Dances. History.
And who are the other two swordsmaster of Gaea?
Today's sentence:
The suspense of time was a pleasant languor, free of responsibilities and constraints, a luxurious repose full of nothing but the self.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Drawings
Let's sidetrack a little today.
I've done some drawings to accompany some of the chapters in my fic, because I love how Van and Hitomi look, and in addition to writing waffy stuff, I like to draw waffy things. I haven't decided yet if I should do one for each chapter, or if I should do character sketches for all the characters, or just do whatever I feel like (highest probability result). The drawings help me get into the mood of the story (ie: I place them as my desktop background and grin uncontrollably at Van).
So, dilemma. I would like for readers to see the drawings, because they add to the story. But signature watermarks are a hideous trade for author's rights, and even then, there's no restrictions about website publishing. I would be quite horrified to find my drawings pop up on other websites. Also, using a free image host would mean the pictures become public domain, so I'd rather host the images on my own website. I don't think there will be enough traffic to affect my allowed bandwidth, although there's always unintentional image leeching. Perhaps a comment about how disappointed I would be would prevent most problems.
I was wondering if my banner title picture fits. If you guys think of any better screenshots, let me know! ^^
I've done some drawings to accompany some of the chapters in my fic, because I love how Van and Hitomi look, and in addition to writing waffy stuff, I like to draw waffy things. I haven't decided yet if I should do one for each chapter, or if I should do character sketches for all the characters, or just do whatever I feel like (highest probability result). The drawings help me get into the mood of the story (ie: I place them as my desktop background and grin uncontrollably at Van).
So, dilemma. I would like for readers to see the drawings, because they add to the story. But signature watermarks are a hideous trade for author's rights, and even then, there's no restrictions about website publishing. I would be quite horrified to find my drawings pop up on other websites. Also, using a free image host would mean the pictures become public domain, so I'd rather host the images on my own website. I don't think there will be enough traffic to affect my allowed bandwidth, although there's always unintentional image leeching. Perhaps a comment about how disappointed I would be would prevent most problems.
I was wondering if my banner title picture fits. If you guys think of any better screenshots, let me know! ^^
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Posting Hesitations
Ch 1 done. I added some more tidbits about Sousuke's character and Hitomi's feelings toward her decision.
I prepared my author's notes for ch 1 tonight, although I still hesitate at posting it on ff. I'm not sure what it is that frightens me. The finality of it, perhaps. Once I post, there would be responsibilities and obligations. But it's more than the push to finish this project. There's no going back to fix certain mistakes. It would mean baring this project, injected with personal feelings, imbued with my own ambitions and desires, into public view. And each sentence that gives me secret delight, that I value for itself, would be placed under scrutiny.
Would I be able to accept it?
But ultimately, what good is my goal of creating a believable story that gives Van and Hitomi a second chance to come together, if I don't provide the experience for others who might enjoy it, too?
Plan for the week: Fix up ch 2. Dream sequence problematic. Complete Merle's narrative with more detail. V+H meeting needs to be more exciting and boring at the same time.
Today's sentence:
She was alone, her family and friends in all directions calling her name, urging her on, but it didn’t matter which way was true, because there was no truth after all.
I prepared my author's notes for ch 1 tonight, although I still hesitate at posting it on ff. I'm not sure what it is that frightens me. The finality of it, perhaps. Once I post, there would be responsibilities and obligations. But it's more than the push to finish this project. There's no going back to fix certain mistakes. It would mean baring this project, injected with personal feelings, imbued with my own ambitions and desires, into public view. And each sentence that gives me secret delight, that I value for itself, would be placed under scrutiny.
Would I be able to accept it?
But ultimately, what good is my goal of creating a believable story that gives Van and Hitomi a second chance to come together, if I don't provide the experience for others who might enjoy it, too?
Plan for the week: Fix up ch 2. Dream sequence problematic. Complete Merle's narrative with more detail. V+H meeting needs to be more exciting and boring at the same time.
Today's sentence:
She was alone, her family and friends in all directions calling her name, urging her on, but it didn’t matter which way was true, because there was no truth after all.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Waff
waff: warm and fuzzy feelings
Perhaps it's because we never got to see any siginificant V+H scenes in the anime, or because I dream up vastly romantic plots, or because I haven't really seen any waff Escaflowne fic brilliantly excuted, but more than anything, when I write DS, I want to fulfill my waff allotment. And there will be waff! ^^v
And the strangest thing is, when I visualize romantic scenes, I do it from the perspective of the guy. Is it because guys are supposed to be the proactive ones? Or because I feel that Van's reactions are more interesting than Hitomi's?
Telling moments for Van:
- Van realizes Hitomi is a girl, first attraction when she pushed him on the bridge (ep 6)
- reveals Draconian secret -> trusts her as friend, same level as Merle (ep 8)
- protection of Hitomi as duty: wants her to live. understands her frailty and need for protection (ep 11)
- blushes at the hug's intimate contact (ep 24)
If not for Van's appearance on Earth, Van most likely would not meet a girl like Hitomi--compassionate, generous, spunky. How lucky for him. But, Chocolatelova and I cannot figure out why he got on Earth in the first place. There was certainly no significant event to thrust him and the dragon on an interplanetary journey. I guess it must be fate.
Perhaps it's because we never got to see any siginificant V+H scenes in the anime, or because I dream up vastly romantic plots, or because I haven't really seen any waff Escaflowne fic brilliantly excuted, but more than anything, when I write DS, I want to fulfill my waff allotment. And there will be waff! ^^v
And the strangest thing is, when I visualize romantic scenes, I do it from the perspective of the guy. Is it because guys are supposed to be the proactive ones? Or because I feel that Van's reactions are more interesting than Hitomi's?
Telling moments for Van:
- Van realizes Hitomi is a girl, first attraction when she pushed him on the bridge (ep 6)
- reveals Draconian secret -> trusts her as friend, same level as Merle (ep 8)
- protection of Hitomi as duty: wants her to live. understands her frailty and need for protection (ep 11)
- blushes at the hug's intimate contact (ep 24)
If not for Van's appearance on Earth, Van most likely would not meet a girl like Hitomi--compassionate, generous, spunky. How lucky for him. But, Chocolatelova and I cannot figure out why he got on Earth in the first place. There was certainly no significant event to thrust him and the dragon on an interplanetary journey. I guess it must be fate.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Still to Learn
Trephine read my ch 3 today and said that although my writing has improved, nothing happened in the chapter. My writing still lacks "stories," or points of interest. A story is supposed to be about how characters change as a result of their experience, or like my MFA book says, "Stories are about events that happen to people" (p38). My project so far has too much set up and not enough "story" to give readers interest. Too much introspection, not enough individual scenes, I guess.
Today I've been reading The Economist's Style Guide. I need to learn more grammar terms. I keep looking up stuff like subjunctive and infinitive... But this page was great:
During my many years as a reader of your newspaper, I have distilled two lessons about the use of our language. Firstly, it is usually easier to write a double negative than it is to interpret it. Secondly, unless the description of an event which is considered to be not without consequence includes a double or higher-order negative, then it cannot be disproven that the writer has neglected to eliminate other interpretations of the event which are not satisfactory in light of other possibly not unrelated events which might not have occurred at all.
Also, from George Orwell:
A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus:
Today I've been reading The Economist's Style Guide. I need to learn more grammar terms. I keep looking up stuff like subjunctive and infinitive... But this page was great:
During my many years as a reader of your newspaper, I have distilled two lessons about the use of our language. Firstly, it is usually easier to write a double negative than it is to interpret it. Secondly, unless the description of an event which is considered to be not without consequence includes a double or higher-order negative, then it cannot be disproven that the writer has neglected to eliminate other interpretations of the event which are not satisfactory in light of other possibly not unrelated events which might not have occurred at all.
Also, from George Orwell:
A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus:
- What am I trying to say?
- What words will express it?
- What image or idiom will make it clearer?
- Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?
And he will probably ask himself two more:
- Could I put it more shortly?
- Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?
Friday, July 07, 2006
Ramblings
I've noticed that I tend to concentrate for a three or four hour block at a time. I wonder what this means? Maybe it has an effect on how long my chapters are, or how long each scene is, or something. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.
I actually spend 20+ hours per week on Deeper than the Sky, although only 1/2-3/4 of that is spent on actual writing. The other times are spent on this blog, planning, and research. As I get deeper into this project, I've started to act toward it like my game--I decline invitations to get out of my house, reject new hobby ideas, and plan my activities around its schedule. Time is limited, and I'm obsessed, what can I say.
People still read my The Dragon Cannot Cross the Line fic; I just got two reviews today. Pretty crazy @o@ Although, it's cool that I can now tell them Van will do better next time! Because I will make it so, haha.
Finally finished ch 3. Three weeks of work, but it's now wonderful and so worth the extra effort. Next plan is to revise ch 1-2 for more character development and plot detail foreshadowing, and then I can start tearing ch 4 apart. I'll get to write from a non-Hitomi non-Van perspective, and that will be interesting.
Favorite sentence from yesterday's work:
By now the rain had lessened to a drizzle, and its warm drops settled upon her honey-blond strands like a mantle of dew.
I actually spend 20+ hours per week on Deeper than the Sky, although only 1/2-3/4 of that is spent on actual writing. The other times are spent on this blog, planning, and research. As I get deeper into this project, I've started to act toward it like my game--I decline invitations to get out of my house, reject new hobby ideas, and plan my activities around its schedule. Time is limited, and I'm obsessed, what can I say.
People still read my The Dragon Cannot Cross the Line fic; I just got two reviews today. Pretty crazy @o@ Although, it's cool that I can now tell them Van will do better next time! Because I will make it so, haha.
Finally finished ch 3. Three weeks of work, but it's now wonderful and so worth the extra effort. Next plan is to revise ch 1-2 for more character development and plot detail foreshadowing, and then I can start tearing ch 4 apart. I'll get to write from a non-Hitomi non-Van perspective, and that will be interesting.
Favorite sentence from yesterday's work:
By now the rain had lessened to a drizzle, and its warm drops settled upon her honey-blond strands like a mantle of dew.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Deadline
I've thought about my ff.net posting timeline a few times, but after reading Jossi's question, perhaps I should set a real deadline.
I procrastinate in almost all habits in my life. Man's desire for zero stimulus, I guess. Left to my own devices, I would get up in early afternoon, eat ramen and ice cream, game, and go to bed at dawn. Thankfully, school, work, and relationships' requirements for standard hours had kept me anchored to a life bordering on reasonable human limits. So, since this is a hobby that none but online friends are interested in, it's naturally set to my "whenever I feel like it" time.
It's time to be serious, if I really want to accomplish this project. Only complication with plan: each additional change to my writing takes exponential amounts of time.
New chapters and scenes are half to one hour for a page. Decent pace, considering my frequent practice on procrastination ceiling of 20 page papers in three days. But revisions to initial draft take hours. I conpulsively look up definitions to find the exact word that fits. Comments from Chocolatelova take me an hour to fix each paragraph.
Agh, I'm just making excuses. Okay. Finish ch 1-5 by end of July, and start posting on ff.net.
Haven't written today yet; yesterday's was:
The air was fragrant with herbs and tiny star-shaped white flowers that speckled the soft ground and peeked through gray blades and patches of briar.
I procrastinate in almost all habits in my life. Man's desire for zero stimulus, I guess. Left to my own devices, I would get up in early afternoon, eat ramen and ice cream, game, and go to bed at dawn. Thankfully, school, work, and relationships' requirements for standard hours had kept me anchored to a life bordering on reasonable human limits. So, since this is a hobby that none but online friends are interested in, it's naturally set to my "whenever I feel like it" time.
It's time to be serious, if I really want to accomplish this project. Only complication with plan: each additional change to my writing takes exponential amounts of time.
New chapters and scenes are half to one hour for a page. Decent pace, considering my frequent practice on procrastination ceiling of 20 page papers in three days. But revisions to initial draft take hours. I conpulsively look up definitions to find the exact word that fits. Comments from Chocolatelova take me an hour to fix each paragraph.
Agh, I'm just making excuses. Okay. Finish ch 1-5 by end of July, and start posting on ff.net.
Haven't written today yet; yesterday's was:
The air was fragrant with herbs and tiny star-shaped white flowers that speckled the soft ground and peeked through gray blades and patches of briar.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Editor
Chocolatelova and I have been emailing each other our drafts at various stages for edits and comments. Beside the standard things like filtering for confusing sentences that may be misconstrued, pointing out mistakes from late nights, and discussing scenes and characterizations, Chocolatelova usually finds some awkward spots within my storytelling--and what I find most interesting--they are spots that I chose to gloss over, but once identified, they develop into something that can carry more weight and become poignant characterization spots.
As an (long ; ;) example, here's a scene snippet with her comments:
Van had been in another long council meeting, trying to hide his frustration. Kuon’s captain of intelligence just reported on recent developments in Basram, and tensions were high among the staff, each feeling uneasy at possibilities that may now come to fruition. The news revealed an oversight with emissionaries [emissaries?] on both public and private fronts. [What was the oversight and why was it bad? You might need to answer this question so the reader can understand the tense atmosphere in the room.] While his senior vassals weighed the next course of action in their tight circle, the juniors staff’s discussion on protocol changes soon escalated into whispers and accusations about derelict duties.
Instead of interfering, he decided to stand in front of the window. [But isn’t he the king? Would he leave his men to fight it out (figuratively speaking)? I’m not sure he would walk away from it.] The view over Fanelia always kept him focused on his responsibilities, perhaps because Fanelia’s borders has changed little since the time of his father, his grandfather, or even King Zoah.
And here's the revised version:
Van had been in another long council meeting, trying to hide his frustration. Kuon’s captain of intelligence just reported on recent developments in Basram, and tensions were high among the staff, each feeling uneasy at possibilities that may now come to fruition. The news revealed an oversight with emissaries on both public and private fronts. Although Fanelia so far had been neutral in its position to Basram and Cesario’s disputes, the benign survey may be misconstrued by either country. While his chief vassals weighed the next course of action in their tight circle, the junior staff’s discussion on protocol changes soon escalated into whispers about derelict duties.
His first thought was to call them to order. Accusations and bickering weren’t acceptable practices on his staff. More importantly, he needed them to concentrate on the tasks at hand. Van didn’t want to deal with personnel issues in addition to this potentially insidious juncture.
But then, with some embarrassment, he remembered a certain hotheaded boy years ago. He decided to stand in front of the window instead, to wait and listen some more.
Isn't it so much better aftewards?
As an (long ; ;) example, here's a scene snippet with her comments:
Van had been in another long council meeting, trying to hide his frustration. Kuon’s captain of intelligence just reported on recent developments in Basram, and tensions were high among the staff, each feeling uneasy at possibilities that may now come to fruition. The news revealed an oversight with emissionaries [emissaries?] on both public and private fronts. [What was the oversight and why was it bad? You might need to answer this question so the reader can understand the tense atmosphere in the room.] While his senior vassals weighed the next course of action in their tight circle, the juniors staff’s discussion on protocol changes soon escalated into whispers and accusations about derelict duties.
Instead of interfering, he decided to stand in front of the window. [But isn’t he the king? Would he leave his men to fight it out (figuratively speaking)? I’m not sure he would walk away from it.] The view over Fanelia always kept him focused on his responsibilities, perhaps because Fanelia’s borders has changed little since the time of his father, his grandfather, or even King Zoah.
And here's the revised version:
Van had been in another long council meeting, trying to hide his frustration. Kuon’s captain of intelligence just reported on recent developments in Basram, and tensions were high among the staff, each feeling uneasy at possibilities that may now come to fruition. The news revealed an oversight with emissaries on both public and private fronts. Although Fanelia so far had been neutral in its position to Basram and Cesario’s disputes, the benign survey may be misconstrued by either country. While his chief vassals weighed the next course of action in their tight circle, the junior staff’s discussion on protocol changes soon escalated into whispers about derelict duties.
His first thought was to call them to order. Accusations and bickering weren’t acceptable practices on his staff. More importantly, he needed them to concentrate on the tasks at hand. Van didn’t want to deal with personnel issues in addition to this potentially insidious juncture.
But then, with some embarrassment, he remembered a certain hotheaded boy years ago. He decided to stand in front of the window instead, to wait and listen some more.
Isn't it so much better aftewards?
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Picture 2
Chocolatelova and I are always discussing scenes in Escaflowne that we like, so I figured it's time overdue for another Van picture! I like the emotions in this scene so much that its idea is in both my ch 3 and ch 7, with the situation working into Van's favor in the latter chapter. Oh, I grin goofily just thinking about it.
This week I've been writing to Escaflowne music videos ^^; I keep replaying The Duel from NHMK, with "My Way" from Limp Bizkit. I need to get a DVD player for my new computer, and then I can play the series in the background all day long. I will be unstoppable, haha.
Still a couple more things I'd like to add to ch 3, and then maybe I can move on to actual dialogue in ch 4.
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